1d100 |
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Meat |
1 |
Hanging meat. |
Salt it, flatten it, leave it to air-dry until it falls apart.
Really tough, a little green around the edges. |
2 |
Pickled eyeballs. |
Mostly flavorless, slightly greasy, hard to explain to
visitors. |
3 |
Dried eel. |
Leathery. Smells like wet dog. |
4 |
Weird bit. |
The tendon from the left leg. The wattle. The gizzard.
Something you wouldn't normally eat. |
5 |
Blended organ sack. |
A stomach filled with other bits of animal and special spices,
left to ferment. |
6 |
Rotting fish. |
Has to be a very specific kind of fish. Carried in glass
bottles. Smells like death. |
7 |
Dried crickets. |
Served in honey. Well attested in holy books; less appealing
these days. |
8 |
Fermented crab. |
PC swears it's an aphrodisiac; everyone else thinks the smell
is off-putting. |
9 |
Dried meat. |
Mashed with fat and berries and dried in strips. Tastes like
the bottom of a gardener's boot. |
10 |
Mashed stoat. |
Minty fresh for some reason. |
More Meat |
11 |
Baked rat. |
Except it's not a local rat. It's some kind of smug-looking
foreign rat. |
12 |
Pig grease. |
The leftovers from a thousand plates of fried pork. Crunchy.
Kept in a jar. |
13 |
Mashed ants. |
Lured out by the PC and cooked in a pot, then mixed with
grain. Terrifyingly awful. |
14 |
Whole songbird. |
Would be fine, but it's coated in some sort of black
foul-smelling paste. |
15 |
Fermented bird. |
Store it in a sack then drink whatever drips out. Absolutely
awful. |
16 |
Dried lizards. |
Tiny. Eat a handful at a time. Crunchy but extremely dry. |
17 |
Rabbit ears. |
Why the ears? And why eat them with the fur still on? |
18 |
Sea thing. |
Horrible little sea insect. Too many legs, bright pink, baked
then preserved in red sauce. |
19 |
Tiny flat fish. |
Smoked, and then kept in a sack. Eaten whole. Pungent smell
and scales everywhere. |
20 |
Teeth. |
Handfuls of broken teeth from all sorts of animals. Swallowed
whole. |
Eggs |
21 |
Eggs, cooked. |
Boiled in something unpleasant, left to dry in the sun. Tastes
like battery acid. |
22 |
Eggs, fermented. |
Buried in clay for a month. Sulphrous, crumbly. |
23 |
Eggs, mashed. |
Mixed with some horrible root. Smells like burnt meat. |
24 |
Eggs, candied. |
Put in an urn with weird roots. Crystallized, snaps like
glass, tastes like hair. |
25 |
Eggs, fish. |
Lots of little tiny ones, black like stones. Briny, unpleasant
aftertaste. |
26 |
Eggs, insect. |
White, the size of a thumb, taste like soap. |
27 |
Eggs, lumpy. |
From a bird with the hiccoughs, maybe. Bulges. Tastes like
milk. |
28 |
Eggs, snail. |
Pickled in brine. Thin shell, tastes like mushrooms, slight
worries of snails hatching inside you. |
29 |
Eggs, sea. |
Not sure if they are from a plant or a fish. Large, green,
briny pouches. |
30 |
Eggs, exotic. |
Blue and green with stripes. From somewhere in the mountains.
Watery and sulphrous. |
Strong Drink |
31 |
Horrible herbal liquor. |
Sold in tiny glass bottles, vaguely greasy taste. |
32 |
Blessed water. |
Blessed by a particular saint or god. The PC can taste the
difference. |
33 |
Green infusion. |
Apparently made by monks. These monks must be real sick
bastards. |
34 |
Brown liquor. |
Very strong, made by alchemists, dries out your throat. |
35 |
Honey beer. |
Comes in clay pots. Delicious but distinctly foreign. |
36 |
Fermented cloves. |
More of a mash than a drink. Will make your earwax run. |
37 |
Red liquor. |
Thick like treacle, tastes like fruit, but makes everyone but
the PC throw up 10 mins later. |
38 |
Bitter leaves. |
Make a horrible medicinal drink if soaked in boiling water.
The PC eats them raw in emergencies. |
39 |
Pale brown liquor. |
Made from trees, somehow. Tastes like pine needles, sap, and
splinters. |
40 |
Buttery wine. |
Not made from grapes, that's for sure. Strong, but kind of
slimy. Starchy flavour. |
Root Vegetables |
41 |
Fat purple turnips. |
Kind of tasty if cooked, but the PC insists on eating them
raw. |
42 |
Long grey carrots. |
Very very spicy. |
43 |
Rock-like vegetable. |
Devoured raw, leaks milk. Utterly disgusting. |
44 |
Round green lumps. |
Some kind of nut? No one is sure. Incredibly bitter
aftertaste. |
45 |
Thin white roots. |
Served by the handful. Faint smell of cut hay. |
46 |
Corkscrew turnips. |
Worse than regular turnips in every way, from appearance to
texture to cost. |
47 |
Fat white root. |
Like an obsese carrot, but it tastes like sweat. When dried it
starts to fall apart. |
48 |
Horrible onion. |
Red, not yellow, and sharply acidic. The devil's onions. |
49 |
Lumpy root. |
Shaped like a deformed person or a sick animal. Orange and
fibrous, strong flavour. Chewed. |
50 |
Hairy yellow root. |
From a flower. Tastes like vinegar, but it keeps away insects. |
Leafy Vegetables |
51 |
Broad green leaves. |
Opens the pupils, increases the heart rate, makes the PC talk
very quickly. |
52 |
Diamond leaves. |
Tingly, stains the teeth green, fairly mild flavour. |
53 |
Small grey leaves. |
Ashy. Sold by apothecaries. Strong hallucinogen, PC is immune. |
54 |
Stringy frayed leaves. |
Tastes like soap. PC insists it does not taste like soap. |
55 |
Flat green leaves. |
Bitter, watery. Slowly rot into a dripping mass that is still,
somehow, edible. |
56 |
Fern leaves. |
Taste like grass, but with runny sap. Stains the teeth green. |
57 |
Orange leaves. |
Dried and crispy. Crushed up and held under the tongue. Makes
the PC sleepy an hour later. |
58 |
Little round leaves. |
Tastes like copper and makes everyone but the PC sneeze
uncontrollably. |
59 |
Veiny lumpy leaves. |
Bitter and horribly chewy. Like eating a sheet of lead. |
60 |
Curled-up leaves. |
Little balls of green, swallowed whole. Gives everyone but the
PC gas. |
Bread |
61 |
Hard cakes. |
Why would anyone do that to bread? So dense they hurt your teeth. |
62 |
Drip cakes. |
Bread thrown into boiling fat. Extremely weird. |
63 |
Spice bread. |
A pinch of spice from Foreign Parts. Tastes like leather. |
64 |
Rolled bread. |
Layered meat and cheese inside bread. Looks appetizing, but
the spices used are very unusual. |
65 |
Yellow bread. |
Made from some some grain from Foreign Parts. Gritty. |
66 |
Corpse bread. |
Like bread that's been left to die. So stale, so crunchy.
Squeaks when you eat it. |
67 |
Hole bread. |
The baker must be mad because it's full of air and holes! |
68 |
Stack bread. |
Tiny round loaves, hammered flat, then layered with some
powdered spice. |
69 |
Incompetent bread. |
Strange flour and water cooked in a pan. Makes a round puffy thing. Goes stale immediately. |
70 |
Round bread. |
Spheres of dough with meat and yellow spices inside. The
spices are very strong. |
Cheese |
71 |
Blue-black cheese. |
Wrapped in the stomach lining of a goat. Smells awful, causes
birds to fall from the sky. |
72 |
White lumpy cheese. |
In a wineskin. Acidic, but fairly tasty on bread. PC insists
it pairs well with fruit. |
73 |
Grey runny cheese. |
Tastes like salt and sand. |
74 |
Yellow hard cheese. |
Looks fine but tastes appalling. Chalky, pungent, almost
dusty. |
75 |
Purple cheese. |
Made with blood or something. Veinier than usual. |
76 |
Grey hard cheese. |
Thick rind, smells like a cow dying of starvation. Kept coated
in wax. |
77 |
Monk cheese. |
Made with milk from blessed cows and covered in the remains of
holy candles. No real taste. |
78 |
Travel cheese. |
Cheese with all the water squeezed out and replaced with an
unpleasant thin oil. |
79 |
Soft white cheese. |
Served in clay jars. Sweet, but causes gastric disasters in
anyone but the PC. |
80 |
Meat cheese. |
The PC insists on making it with things from
the ocean and not pork or beef trimmings. |
Mushrooms |
81 |
Folded mushroom. |
Moist and curled like a calf's brain. Tastes like pine
needles. |
82 |
Black mushroom. |
Looks deadly and menacing. Tastes like buttercream. |
83 |
Crinkly mushroom. |
Crunches like frost with white puffs of spores. No taste, but
it gets in your nose and ears. |
84 |
Round pink mushroom. |
Dilates the pupils and makes everything look fuzzy. |
85 |
Round grey mushroom. |
Deadly to dogs and cattle, but the PC swears it's fine to eat.
Tastes like old beef stew. |
86 |
Red mushroom. |
White spots, perfectly round, dries into little hard lumps.
Dusty and acidic. |
87 |
Tall white mushroom. |
Like little spears. Acidic taste. Smell like burnt bones. |
88 |
Brown plate mushroom. |
Grows on the side of trees, apparently. Like eating a soggy
plank of wood. |
89 |
Puffball mushroom. |
Round white balls with fine brown dust inside. Dust chokes the
lungs and tastes like ash. |
90 |
Eye mushroom. |
Has wet black spots like eyes buried in soft white flesh.
Tastes like peat. |
Assorted |
91 |
Brownish beans. |
Taste like sawdust and bleach. |
92 |
White beans. |
Like pebbles, but chewy. After a few minutes your tongue goes
numb. |
93 |
Red beans. |
Taste metallic, deeply unpleasant. Apparently very good for
you in large quantities. |
94 |
Horrible sea thing. |
Orange. Looks like a deflated penis. Probably tastes like a
deflated penis. |
95 |
Pointy red fruit. |
Full of seeds. Burns like fire, makes your eyes water, and
gets all over your hands. |
96 |
Oval green fruit. |
Bitter, salty, and chewy. Leaks oil. |
97 |
Snake venom. |
Makes the tongue go black. Not enough to kill anyone if
ingested. |
98 |
Pink salt. |
From the mountains. Apparently heals you and makes your hair
grow. Just tastes like salt. |
99 |
Cat milk. |
Seriously, who milks a cat? A thin crusty rind of milk. |
100 |
Magic powder. |
Ground up wizard skulls or something. Makes your hair stick
striaight out and your eyes bulge. |