Guzzolene-powered vehicles are sturdy, simple, and easy to maintain. A self-driving golem needs a Golemmafex. A biomechanical beast needs a Fleshcrafter. But a simple vehicle that drinks distilled hydrocarbons and spits out fire and speed can be maintained with a hammer, some wire, and a some luck, provided you don't care about safety or environmental standards. In the Ultraviolet Grasslands smog is the least of your worries.
Side Note: I think everyone should try to own a truly terrible gasoline vehicle built between 1940 (when people figured out how to make vehicles that worked) and 1977 (when people figured out how to make vehicles fancy). You'll learn a lot. Find something that sort-of runs or could potentially run, fix it just enough so that it does run, and drive it until it doesn't run anymore and is too expensive to fix.
Remember, anything built before the invention of safety is intrinsically safe.
|OC, based on the wisdom of the ancients.|
Upgrades are a great way for a group to sink extra cash into a shared project.
The mechanical logic is simple. Everything is expensive. If it takes up space in a vehicle, it reduces the vehicle's capacity by the number of Sacks listed. A Sack is 10 inventory slots, 1 person, 1 person's inventory, or 1 week of food and water for 1 person.
I haven't put any vehicle combat rules here. If you need them, try Gaslands or something, or just make a bunch of rulings on the fly. Vehicle-on-vehicle fights are more about mobile terrain anyway.
Metal Steeds - One-Way Ticket To Organ DonationCapacity: 2 Sacks
If it's 90% engine, 8% wheels, and 2% seat, it's a Metal Steed. No space for supplies, no room for error. Goes like the absolutely clappers. The best are air-breathing, like wicker autogolems, and require no fuel. Most need 1 Supply of fuel every 2 weeks.
Metal Steed Addons:
Gun Mount: €50
Lets the rider fire 1 weapon while riding at full speed. The weapon must fit in the rider's inventory (part of the 2-sack capacity). Attaching or detaching it takes 2 rounds.
Increases capacity by 1 Sack, but loses the Fast trait.
Sometimes, all the good loot is buried at the bottom of a lake. The vehicle can no longer operate on the surface, but it can move underwater. It's not a proper submarine, with rooms and torpedo tubes and all of that. It's just a pressurized pod with an engines on it, a diving suit with attitude. The driver can wiggle their arms through thick diving gloves. Only works on Metal Steeds.
Flying in the Ultraviolet Grasslands is a bad idea. Bits of invisible stuckforce shred aircraft. Purple haze rots your brain. Dormant anti-missile defense systems wake up, think "oh, that looks interesting" and blows you out of the sky. Still it beats walking. A caravan with a flying vehicle gains 30 minute advanced warning against most encounters. Flying vehicles ignore terrain. Only works on Metal Steeds.
Wicker Autowagon - Witness Me!Capacity: 3 Sacks
A little bit bigger, a little bit sturdier, and a whole lot dryer in the rain. Some are literally made of wicker, some just look like they are. If you can fit 2 people in the front seats and some cold snacks in the back, you've got a Wicker Autowagon. Some are small enough that air-powered engines can haul them, but if you can't afford one, or you want a little more oomph, fuelled engines are the way to go. A non-air-powered Wicker Autowagon sips 1 Supply of fuel every 2 weeks.
Wicker Autowagon Addons:
Nitro: €50 per use
For up to 1 minute, the vehicle moves at Ludicrous Speed.
Snazzy Paintjob: €100
Shiny and polished. Options include, if normal colours aren't good enough for you: Scarabeo, Pearl-Tone, Fordite Swirl Supreme, Vantablack, Gibbon, Taupeamarine, and Splunge.
Jet Booster: €1,000
Occupies 1 Sack. About the dumbest idea imaginable, but the first thing anyone tries when they find a jet engine from a bunker. For up to 10 minutes, the vehicle moves at Ludicrous Speed. Gaps smaller than 30' can be safely ignored. Uses up almost all the vehicle's stored fuel. After firing, the vehicle has 30 minutes of safe driving left. Proper Oldtech Jet Fuel lets the vehicle can use this ability twice on one Supply of fuel.
Occupies 1 Sack. The back of the vehicle opens up and drops something. Could be a mine, some trained assassin-skeletons on rollerskates, a bunch of oil, some skulls stuffed with hornets, or just a whole bunch of scrap metal. The Sack occupied by the Dropper includes whatever you load into it. For an extra €100, the Dropper can launch stuff forward or sideways instead, becoming an ejector seat or a compressed air cannon.
Hover Wheels: €1,000
The vehicle floats on billowing air-jets, stuckforce discs, or dozens of spinning propeller blades. It's not practical but it is cool. Ignores mildly difficult terrain.
Hood Ornament: €100
Shiny, chrome, and, in emergencies, a good thing to cling on to.
Road Yacht - Justified and AncientCapacity: 6 Sacks
Back in the old days these used to be everywhere. All the blackthumbs know their names, and the names of their vital gubbins: sparkulator, lightning-whirler, juicebox, caboxylator. Parts are as good as currency in some parts of the Grasslands. While some warriors prefer swift Metal Steeds or sprightly Wicker Autogolems, the greatest Knights of the Road pilot their mighty Road Yachts. A Road Yacht drinks 1 Supply of fuel every week.
Road Yatch Addons:
Luxury Seats: €300
Made of genuine imitation leather (from genuine imitation cattle) and stuffed with the finest springs. The back seats even fold down to make a bed. Fuzzy dice optional.
Air Conditioning: €500
There's a magic box and by making part of it warmer, somehow the air inside the Road Yatch gets colder. There's probably a bound demon involved. Air Conditioning has no mechanical benefit but it's very impressive.
Occupies 1 Sack. Can cool up to 6 sacks of storage space to a chilly, supply-maintaining temperature. Excellent for transporting perishable fruit, bodies, etc.
Para-Radio Set: €500
Most of what's broadcast these days isn't fit to be heard by mortal ears, but you can get echoes of tunes long past (or yet to come), coordinate with other vehicles or settlements (weather permitting), and
Broadcasts music or speech really loud, to help block out those negative waves.
Big Gun: €1,500
Occupies 2 Sacks, typically 1 for the gun and 1 for the ammo, maintenance equipment, and blast shields. Options include:
-Flammenwerfer. 3d6 fire damage, Far, Reload 6. Sets everything on fire.
-Rotary Rattlecannon: 2d12, Far, Reload 3. Can actually be used to propel a car backwards.
Occupies 1 Sack. Lets a Gun Mount or a Big Gun fire in all directions instead of a fixed direction. Also makes a vehicle look properly intimidating.
Occupies 1 Sack. Can contain 1 additional Sack of vitally important material in a gene-locked steel enclosure. Proof against anyone without serious tools and know-how.
Smoke Launchers: €50 per use
Fills a 100' cube with opaque smoke. For an additional €10, you can pick the colour of the smoke. Makes shooting or boarding a caravan difficult, but tends to attract attention.
Generic Vech, Porcelain or Prismatic Walker - Fight the HurricaneCapacity: 12 Sacks
Walkers are great in the Grasslands because they are tall and all the cool factions use them. That's about it, really. Legs have a lot of moving parts to maintain and powering one on guzzolene is silly. Still, some people have an unhealthy obsession with giant mechanical spiders. Upgrading bio-mechanical or fancy golem walkers is significantly more expensive (and beyond the scope of this post). A fuel-powered Walker slurps 1 Supply of fuel every week.
Escape Pod: €600
Occupies 1 Sack. Lets 4 Sacks of capacity (2 people and their inventories) escape a wreck in the event of a catastrophic failure.
Chainsaw Arm: €1,000
Occupies 3 Sacks. Deals 4d8 melee damage and ignores armour. Ponderous and inaccurate against small targets.
Boarding Ramp: €500
Occupies 1 Sack. Folds out to allow people from one vehicle to board another, or cross a wall, or generally get into trouble.
Rocket-packs, nozzles, and springs let the vehicle leap up to 10' in the air while maintaining its current speed. Bouncing more than once per day will inflict structural damage.
Autowagon - 12 Yards Long, 2 Lanes Wide, 65 Tons of American PrideCapacity: 24 sacks
Could be an old Wreckreational Vehicle, a Desert Bus, or something even stranger. Whatever it is, it's big enough to have separate rooms or compartments, a door with a step, and a comically large turning radius. The flagship of a trading caravan, a little slice of home-away-from-home... or a big slice. An Autowagon guzzles 1 Supply of fuel every week.
Water Closet: €500
Occupies 4 Sacks. Toilet, sink, and shower. Ludicrously luxurious for the deep grasslands.
Observation Deck: €200
Completely useless, wildly impractical, and likely to take out an eye if you hit deep grit. But if you're going to sail across the grasslands, a chrome-railed balcony is the place to be on a calm Orangemonth night.
Hydraulic Throne: €1,000
Occupies 1 Sack. Gold-plated, halogen-lit, extendable flexible automechanical seat of grandeur. Deploys from the front, or from the back on a crane. Could also be a giant holographic face with optional flame cannons.
Occupies 2 Sacks. Might of way makes right of way, and being able to bulldoze smaller vehicles off the road could be handy.
Winch, Jacks, and Shovels: €100
Occupies 1 Sack. Look, if you're going pretend an Autowagon is an off-road vehicle, you might as well be prepared to deal with the consequences. Gets a vehicle un-stuck in most conditions.
Luxury Pod: €500
Occupies 2 Sacks. 1 person and gear can ride in elegant comfort in their own private suite, with a folding bed-chair, hanging lamp, and adorable cupboards for sundries and snacks. This upgrade can be purchased multiple times.
Debauchery Pod: €600
Occupies 2 Sacks. The same as a Luxury Pod, but with a meter, drugs cabinet (drugs not included), and additional horizontal surfaces.
Medical Pod: €3,000
Occupies 4 Sacks. Room for 2 patients and a doctor. Proper medical equipment, drains, ominous lights, and sterile plastic sheeting. Lets patients heal on the road.
War Engine - Tankity Tank Tank TankCapacity: 36 Sacks
Cost: €20,000Impractical, cumbersome, huge, and obvious. Might as well slather yourself in barbecue sauce and wait for the vultures. But still, if you've got one, anyone without serious gumption will think twice before crossing your path. Filling up the vehicle's capacity with weapons and armour is strongly encouraged. Otherwise, it's just a long-haul truck. A War Engine slurps 2 Supply of fuel every week, or 3 Supply if run at top speed (still Slow).
War Engine Addons:
Armour Plating: €1,000
Occupies 4 Sacks. The vehicle reduces incoming damage by 8 (or, effectively, ignores small arms, medium arms, and glancing hits from heavier weapons). This upgrade can be purchased multiple times, but at some point you're better off calling it a town.
Big Treads: Free
Replaces wheels or centipede legs or whatever. The War Engine now moves Incredibly Slowly, but can ignore terrain, smaller vehicles, or anti-personnel mines. It leaves an obvious track through the landscape.
Really Big Gun: €3,000
Occupies 4 Sacks, typically 2 for the gun and 2 for the ammo, fire prevention equipment, and earplugs. Seriously, what are you expecting to fight out here?
-Artillery Tube: 2d10x1d10, Very Very Far, Reload 20, blast. Ignores armour, intervening terrain, and common sense. Makes a hell of a noise. If it hits anything smaller than a Road Yatch, target must Save or evaporate instead.
-Doom Laser: 3d20, Very Very Far, Reload 10, requires 1 round to charge before firing.
|1d10||What's Broken?||How Do We Fix It?||How Long Until It's Fixed?|
|1||Sparkulators are clogged.||Take them out and file them.||1 hour.|
|2||Lightning whirler isn't whirling right.||Squint at it, twiddle some screws.||30 minutes.|
|3||Fuel tube's busted.||Run a new one.||1 hour.|
|4||No brakes.||It'll probably be fine.||Don't worry about it.|
|5||Flat tire.||Get out the tools, patch it, swap it.||30 minutes|
|6||Radumilator is blown.||Keep adding liquid as we go.||Ongoing issue.|
|7||Fuel pump is seized.||Probably need a new one.||12 hours.|
|8||Won't hold any pressure.||Bit of bubblegum welding.||1d20 hours.|
|9||Carboxymlator's stuck or something.||Hit it with the backside of a wrench.||10 minutes.|
|10||Wheel bearing has locked up.||Grease and a hammer.||2 hours.|
|11||Threw a belt.||Find something long and stretchy.||30 minutes.|
|12||Lightning hoses are broken.||String together some new ones.||30 minutes.|
|13||Confuser unit gives an error code.||Get the diagnosticator, push buttons.||1d20 hours.|
|14||Transmission goes "clunk".||Take the whole thing off.||2 days.|
|15||Transmisison goes "grrrrntktktktkt"||Just don't use that gear.||It'll be fine.|
|16||Zeusbox won't charge the battery.||Replace it, ideally with a better one.||1 hour.|
|17||Battery won't hold a charge.||Fancy chemicals and a short ritual.||6 hours.|
|18||Burned all the dead dinosaur juice.||Stop and add some more.||30 minutes.|
|19||Hole in the metal-fragment-catcher.||Patch it, add more liquid, pray.||1d6 hours.|
|20||Piston went on a space vacation.||Needs a full rebuild.||How far is it to town?|
|1d20||Brands of the Long Long Ago||Dubious Features|
|2||Golemkraftwagen||Anti-Tampering Engine Configuration|
|4||Chuft||Electric Transix Variator|
|6||Rocksfall Rulings||Oulianov Propulsion Unit|
|7||Tuker-Simplex-Ransommmer||Microhydraulic Control Lines|
|8||Atomic Coachwerks||Inhalator Body Air-Scoops|
|9||Ultracta||Anti-Kidnapping Heartbeat Sensor|
|10||Nevada Systems||Nine-Axis Suspension Struts|
|11||Sord||Swivel Bucket Seats|
|12||Kurdish Wheyland||Gyroscopic Autoleveller|
|13||Revochelle||Automatic Anti-Crash Foam Nozzles|
|14||Prangwalter K 90||Extruded Bismuth Trim|
|15||Sklorch Enginefabber||Telepathic Key System|
|16||Omniversal Hydroid Corporation||Extensible Omniadaptors|
|17||Vulcan||Trained Underbody Rust Slimes|
|18||Silverkammerung United||Mercuric Chrome Bearings|
|20||Offroad Indolence Syndicate||Hydrophobic Seatcovers|