1d100 Seduction Side Effects

If your character successfully seduces someone, roll on the table below to see what happens. The table below is system-less, setting-less, and timeless. If you play a Goliard, you can avoid skill tests and other impediments and skip straight to the seduction bit. It's one of the major perks of the class.
Seduction of Lancelot Le livre de Lancelot du Lac, 1401-1425

1 Duel. At dawn. To the death, or at least the maiming. Could be fair, could be mob justice.
2 A Horrible Scheme. You were somehow drawn into a criminal act. You are complicit. There is a conspiracy.
3 Things Got Out of Hand. Roll again twice on this table with a -20 penalty.
4 Eternal Shame. The family of your target wants you dead and disgraced. They have surprising resources.
5 Dire Revelation. You accidentally said something that puts you, your friends, or your target in danger.
6 Major Lie. You made a promise you can't keep. If you fail it, people might die.
7 Regret. Save vs. Fear (Shame) if you ever see your target again. 
8 Robbed Blind. Lose all but 1d6 of each type of coin you were carrying, plus any other obvious valuables.
9 Caught in the Act. By someone embarrassing; your parents, the bishop, the entire village, etc.
10 Stalker. The person you seduced won't leave you alone. They keep staring at you.
11 Inconvenienced. You are trapped, tied up, or otherwise stuck somewhere. You might need help.
12 Deception. Target was not who they seemed to be. They are important, supernatural, married, etc.
13 Wrung Out. You exhausted yourself and your target. You are both at half HP for 1d4 days.
14 Traitor! Your target's partner or former lover discovers you. They want revenge on everyone involved.
15 Embarrassing Revelation. The secret you revealed will hurt your pride and reputation if it gets out.
16 Lost Something. An important item you own goes missing. It wasn't stolen by your target.
17 Accidental Injury. Something went wrong. Everyone involved takes 1d4 damage and breaks furniture.
18 Unfortunate Rash. It will clear up in 1d10 weeks. It itches and keeps you up at night. It is contagious.
19 Framed. A jealous partner or friend of your target has accused you of a serious crime.
20 Illegitimate Pregnancy. Either you're pregnant or they're pregnant. You won't find out for months.
21 Minor Lie. You'll need to maintain an accent or a harmless habit around your target from now on.
22 Lost Pants. Can't find your underwear or pants/skirt/dress. Armour is not affected but will chafe.
23 Chain Reaction. You taught the target a new technique; they want to try it out on someone new (not you).
24 Bruises and Scratches. Nothing serious, but they are obvious and hard to cover up.
25 Lovelorn. You are expected to pine and sigh. Target is pleased if you do, very offended if you don't.
26 Emotional Baggage. You and your target fill 1d6 inventory slots with Emotional Baggage. Removed by crying.
27 A Pleasant Memory. Target will always think of you fondly provided they never see you again.
28 Perfection. One part of the target's body becomes the new standard by which you judge all others.
29 I Did The Butler? By a trick of the light, a disguise, or magic you harmlessly seduced the wrong target.
30 Gird Your Soul. Target refuses to see you again. If they do, they instantly give in to temptation.
31 Hasty Packing. You accidentally took an item (Unlabeled Package worth 1sp) from your target.
32 All Is Revealed. Target learns 1 of your shameful secrets; you learn one of the target's. Yours must be worse.
33 My Dear Friend… You will not remember your target's name unless you write it down.
34 Mysterious Reputation. In 1d10 days, everyone in the social circle of your target knows your name.
35 Fluster. Save. Passed: target must Save or be flustered if you make eye contact. Failed: they may target you.
36 New Thing. You tried something new and liked it: whips, carrots, the smell of butter, etc.
37 Pillow Talk. Name 1 skill the target probably has. You can roll that skill once.
38 Next! You may roll again on this table with a +5 bonus if you immediately seduce another target.
39 Amusing. You can attract and maintain an audience by telling the story. Your target may not like this.
40 Whirl of Passion. All breakable objects and clothing in the area is destroyed, dented, or knocked around.
41 Uncertainty. You've never been entirely sure what your preferences are. Go from Straight -> Bi -> Gay ->…
42 New Venue. Target will try and lead you (and only you, probably) to a new area (an attic, a shed, a lane, etc.)
43 Food. Your target provides you with a decent meal.
44 Quick! In the Closet! Your target will conceal you (and only you, probably) if asked.
45 Cuddly. For the next 24hrs you smile a lot and want to snuggle people. Your hugs last a little too long.
46 Wardrobe Upgrade. You steal, borrow, or are given a mundane item of clothing that belongs to your target.
47 Have You Met My Friend? Target's friend will meet with you and ask to be seduced at a future date.
48 Pleasant Haze. Target forget the details of the 1d6 hours before they were seduced. Save or you do too.
49 Inspired. You write a poem to your lover. Roll a d100. On a 100, it becomes popular. Otherwise, obscurity.
50 Bamboozled. Target's family or lover is taken in by whatever lies you tell; they suspect nothing.
51 Wardrobe Swap. You accidentally put on one of your target's items of clothing; they have one of yours.
52 Funny Walk. You'll need to sit down very carefully for the next 2 days.
53 Queasy. For the next 24hrs, Save vs Nausea against disgusting smells/sights, but gain +2 to Save vs Fear.
54 Changing Tastes. The next target you seduce must be unusual if this target was normal, or vice-versa.
55 Love Token. Gain a lock of hair, an old shirt, a letter sealed with a kiss, etc.
56 Oh Madeline… A particular food item will cause you to drift into pleasant memories of your target.
57 Drink! Somehow, no matter how improbable it might be, you ended up with a full wineskin.
58 Bed Hair. You just can't get it to comb flat. It sticks out at all angles for 24hrs.
59 Good Reputation. In 1d10 days, everyone in the intimate social circle of your target knows your name.
60 Hey There Gorgeous. Target will flatter your appearance at every opportunity. May cause jealousy.
61 Shouting and Tears. You have an excellent argument afterwards and both, happily, think you've won.
62 Passion. The next time you see the target, Save or meet them behind the nearest bush, in a closet, etc.
63 Shivers. If you touch the target they must Save or go all shivvery. They can do the same to you.
64 What A Night. You remember nothing of your time with the target unless you are drunk.
65 Misdirection. You can frame your target for a minor crime (theft, vandalism, blasphemy).
66 Effective But Alarming Costume. Either your outfit or your target's outfit will be forever exciting to you.
67 Pinches. At some point when you least expect it, target will sneak up on you and pinch your bottom/cheek/arm.
68 Hope and Charity. Target's morals become more strict and more chaste due to your (accidental) influence.
69 Panic. You think you've caught a rash. Turns out it was just a pimple. It fades in 24hrs.
70 A Scheme. You and your target have created a risky plan to meet again in 1d6 days, no matter where you end up.
71 Lavender and Cheese Rind. You can identify your target by just smell and/or touch, at any point in the future.
72 Cleanliness. You and your target bathed, or if implausible, beat the dust from your clothes and scrubbed.
73 Foul Language. Target taught you a new word, curse or euphemism. 
74 My Little Cabbage. Target gives you a demeaning yet endearing nickname. They will use it in public. 
75 A Head For Crime. Target's morals become less strict due to your (accidental) influence. 
76 Soiled! One item the target has on their person or could feasibly reach is forever tainted with strange memories.
77 Our Mutual Friend. Someone else you know gains +4 on their next skill check or roll made to seduce a target.
78 Careless Whispers. If you tell someone who knows the target the details of your seduction, they must Save vs Fear.
79 Lie Back And Relax. You and your target heal 1d6 HP.
80 Heh, Turnips. Pick a word. Whenever you say the chosen word to your target, you both must Save or giggle.
81 Fixed Your Back. Gain +1d6 temporary HP (it does not return if lost). You stand slightly taller.
82 Cash In Hand. Target loans you an appropriate amount for their station. Failure to repay will break their heart.
83 On Top of the World. You feel good! You feel great! Gain +2 to Save for 24hrs.
84 But Didn't You Say… Target gives you a hint regarding a current problem.
85 Tutoring. Name 1 skill the target probably has. You can roll that skill for the next 24hrs.
86 Minor Gift. 1d10sp in jewlery, coins, or other trinkets.
87 With Figs! Target teaches you something new. Gain a +5 bonus the next time you roll on this table.
88 Eureka! Struck by a sudden insight, you now pass a previously failed notice or discovery test.
89 Spring in Your Step. It went very well. You gain a +4 bonus to your next Save against anything.
90 Lie for Me. Target will tell and maintain one useful, complicated lie for you.
91 Significant Gift. 3d10gp in jewelry, coins, or other trinkets.
92 Useful Introduction. Your target introduces you to a helpful, learned, or important person.
93 Lust. Target tries to arrange 1 meeting every day. Target must Save or give up after a week without contact.
94 Permanent Friendship. Even if you move on you will always have a trusting friend.
95 Major Favour. Smuggle you out of a city, adopt an orphan, give you a key, etc.
96 Companion. Target wants to follow you on your adventures. 
97 Marriage. If possible, even if unlikely. You might need to push a few people out of windows first…
98 Valuable Secret. A treasure map, blackmail material, the location of a vitally important clue.
99 Improve Yourself. The experience changed you for the better. Gain +1 to a random Stat.
100 True Love. Oh dear. It's mutual (because it's capital-T-True capital-L-Love).
Marginal miniature of a couple embracing. (British Library Stowe 17 f. 143)
Side Note: Sex in D&D
My thoughts on the topic closely mirror this post from Paper & Pencils. Sex is described in as much detail as food and for the same reasons; local colour, immersion, and plot relevance.

In short, if you're playing D&D for the food descriptions, you should probably read a Redwall book or watch some Food Network instead.

Side Note: Consent

I tend to run medieval-ish games. Historically, the best case option for consent is close to "[employee] - [employer-who can fire you at any time]" in terms of power dynamic. The worst options tend towards the "war crime" end of the spectrum. Modern sensibilities run into medieval stories and go "yeeesh," in dismay. You should probably consider the acceptable standard of consent in your game or setting.

The Goliard class specifies that a seduction target must be
"a willing, interested, or corruptible person". Some people should just be straight-up immune. If their gender/species preferences don't match yours, you probably can't convince them otherwise.

If in doubt, err on the side of caution. You can't seduce someone who doesn't want to be seduced.

Side Note: Targets
I couldn't think of a better, shorter word. "Target" has some unfortunate connotations. So it goes.

Side Note: So you said "person..."
Generally, you can seduce any creature with an erogenous zone, a palatable degree of worldliness, and the ability to carry on a conversation. Dragons, living statues, Beholders, whatever - if you want to roll to seduce, roll to seduce. The table doesn't change.  There is only 1 option that assumes the gender of any of the participants (20: Illegitimate Pregnancy). If biology makes that option impossible, roll again.


OSR: Class: Cannoneer (and Cannon Rules)

My generic fantasy OSR setting is based on ~14th century France, England, and Germany. Gunpowder and cannons exist, but they have yet to make any significant impact on the conduct of wars, the design of fortifications, and the conduct of armies. Cannons are rare and dangerous items.

The cannons I'll be discussing are more advanced than the pot-de-fer...
But far less advanced than the cannons you are used to seeing in movies.
The cannons we're discussing are like this:

They are small. Iron or hardwood (!) barrels, muzzle-loaded, with a ~2" bore, firing a 2lb stone ball the size of an apple. A strong person could pick one up and fire from the hip but the recoil would almost certainly knock them flat and break a few bones. They aren't terribly noisy - the gunpowder of the era explodes with a slow "fwoosh" rather than a sharp modern "crack". The impact isn't utterly body-shattering. Anything it hits will be broken or torn apart, sure, but you can still find all the pieces in more or less their original shape.  Keep these facts in mind when you're reviewing the stats below. It's the primitive ancestor of guns like this.

I'm not going to spend pages detailing the types of barrels, chambers, and shots. I don't care what type of polearm you use (they're all heavy weapons with reach), and I definitely don't care if the cannon I'm describing is perfectly accurate. It's within the margin of historical error. Times and weights are based on estimates, shoddy math, and lots of American civil war historical reenactment videos.

Cannon (2lb)

Range: Roll required to hit a single target
<10': Attack + 8
10' - 200': Attack
200' - 400': Attack - 8
400' - 600': Only on a critical success

Targets of the cannon do not gain an AC/Defense bonus from armour. Large targets may provide a bonus to hit at close range. On a miss, something is still struck by the cannonball. If the cannon is fired at a group of closely packed targets, an Attack roll may not be required (if you're shooting at a horde of goblins, you're going to hit a goblin).

Damage: 4d6. Target must also Save or be stunned. If a 1 or 2 HD creature is killed, creatures immediately behind them in a straight line take any excess damage. 

Cannons also make a lot of noise. Roll for wandering monsters (or any other noise/alertness-based effect) every time the cannon is fired. If the cannon is fired in a narrow space (<20'x20'), everyone in the space must Save or be partially deafened for 1d6 hours. Smoke fills a 10' square.

An untrained team of three loading or firing a cannon must roll on the Misfire table. An untrained team can load a cannon in 10 rounds (Int checks may be required). If they rush, roll on the Misfire table with a +4 bonus.

A trained team of three can reload a cannon in 5 rounds. If they rush, it can be reloaded in 4 rounds, but a roll on the Misfire table is required.

Misfire Table
Roll if you rush or if the loading process was interrupted, chaotic, or unsafe.

1d10 Misfire Effect
1-3 No Effect. The cannon fires normally after a 1/10th of a second pause (just long enough to worry).
4-5 Match Extinguished. The cannon does not fire this round. The cannon can be fired normally next round.
6-7 Fizzle. The cannon fires in 1d4 rounds (roll secretly).
8 Bad Load. The powder half-detonates. The ball flies 30',dealing 2d6 damage. Takes 2 extra rounds to reload.
9 Dud. The powder does not ignite. Takes 4 extra rounds to reload.
10 Split. The ball shatters as it leaves the barrel. 30' cone, 1d6 damage. Crew must Save or be hit by shrapnel.
11-12 Spiked. The cannon partially detonates. 20' radius, 1d6 damage, Save for half. Cannon cannot be fired until repaired.
13+ Shattered. The cannon detonates spectacularly. 30' radius, 3d6 damage, Save for half. Cannon is gone.

Inventory Management
In my game, Inventory Slots = Strength.

Item Weight Inventory Slots Cost (City) Cost (Rural)
Cannon 200lbs 14 - -
Cart 60lbs 6 3gp 3gp
Shot 2lbs 1/3rd 1sp 2sp
Gunpowder (per shot) 1lb 1/3rd 4sp -
Shot+Gunpowder Packet 3lbs 1 5sp -
Swab + Rod 5lbs 2 2sp 2sp

Ordinarily you'd use a team of 2 mules: one for the cannon and one for the cart and shot. Dungeons are notorious for eating mules.

Since you need a team of 3 to fire the cannon anyway, 2 members of the team carry the cannon and cart (20 inventory slots split over 2 people = 10 each). The third team member carries the Swab+Rod and the powder and shot. Carrying pre-made charges takes up slightly more space but makes loading and firing the cannon much more convenient. One member of the team should probably carry rope and wooden pulleys for difficult climbs.

When fully assembled, the cannon and cart resemble a primitive two-wheeled barrow. It can be pulled or pushed by one person at 1/2 normal pace, or by two people at normal pace. The cart can be pushed up standard stairs without significant difficulty. Rough terrain, gaps larger than 8", or steep slopes cannot be traversed by the cart. It must be disassembled and rebuilt on the other side. It takes 4 rounds for a trained team of 3 to disassemble or reassemble the cart. Untrained teams could take up to 10 minutes.

Cannons are so rare they cannot be purchased. Instead, anyone with the Cannoneer skill, 300gp in raw materials (iron, clay, wax, etc.), and access to a forge can make a cannon in 2 weeks. Limited tools, distractions, or modifications may add 1d4 weeks.

Gunpowder can only be made by someone with the Alchemist or Cannoneer skills. The costs listed above are for the raw ingredients. 
Dwarf with Cannon, LittleDruid


Starting Equipment: 2lb Cannon, Cart, Swab+Rod, 3 Shot+Gunpowder Packets
Starting Skill: See below. In addition, you gain the Cannoneer skill.

A: Trained Crew, Bombard's Eye
B: Bomme-Maker
C: Furious Engine
D: Master Cannoneer

You gain a +1 to Save vs Fear for each Cannoneer template you possess. Additionally, you are partially deaf. You can hear normal speech but not whispers or subtle sounds.

Trained Crew
You gain 2 hirelings trained in the use and maintenance of a cannon. All stats are 10 except for Strength, which is 12. You manage their inventory. They are reasonably competent, willing to follow you into combat, and difficult to replace. You need to pay them 2gp per month each. Roll on the Horrible Peasant NPC generator for details.

Bombard's Eye
If you fire a cannon at a stationary or nearly stationary target and miss, your next Attack roll against the target gains a +4 bonus. This bonus does not stack with multiple attempts. If you would hit only on a critical success (400'-600'), you still only hit on a critical success.

You can rapidly craft a crude but controlled gunpowder bomb without any risk or skill check. Crafting requires 1 charge of gunpowder and some added shrapnel. It takes 2 rounds. The bomme deals 2d6 damage in a 20' radius. The fuse can be set to any time, from instant (explodes in your hand) to 10 minutes. It can be thrown (as a dagger). It can also be used to open doors or crack stone.

Furious Engine
If you lead a trained team of 3, you can reload a cannon in 4 rounds rather than 5. If you rush, you can reload the cannon in 3 rounds, but you must roll on the Misfire table. Additionally, anyone who surprises you while you are working on something (an assassin, an unexpected visitor, etc.) must Save vs Fear or make a Morale check when you yell at them.

Master Cannoneer
You can reroll any result on the Misfire table. Additionally, you can select small or unlikely targets with your cannon (someone's hat, a doorknob at 200', an apple on a child's head, someone hiding just around a corner, etc.).

Mechanical Notes on the Cannoneer

The ability to repeatedly fire a maximum power fireball might seem overpowered. The downsides to using a cannon should more than balance it out. Cannons are excellent solutions to many problems... but they create several more. This isn't a core class like Fighter or Thief or Wizard. Despite all the rules above, it's less complicated than a Wizard or another caster class. The main thing a Cannoneer needs to manage is inventory slots. They can't easily loot or wear armour or even carry extra items.

I didn't put in rules for what happens if someone carrying gunpowder is set on fire. I don't think I need to.

Statue of the remarkable Angelina Eberly firing a cannon to start the bizarre Texas Archive War.

Where did you learn this deadly art?

Cannons are rare. For most people, the first cannon they ever see will be yours. There are no gender restrictions on this class. People may scoff but never to your face. You belong to the Third Estate, but your profession brings you a certain degree of respect.

Skill: 1. Soldier, 2: Foreign Parts, 3: Unusual

1. You served well and fought bravely but your service was not rewarded. You have gone to seek your fortune elsewhere. You start with no money, but your amazing tales will earn you friends.
2. You served on the losing side of a recent War. You speak an additional language.

3. A former pupil stole your secrets and usurped you. Start with a dagger.
4. You were wounded in an explosion that also killed your employer. Start with an Interesting Scar and 2sp.
5. You participated in a long siege. Start with 3 rations.

6. Your experience in the War changed you. If you fail a Save vs Fear, you will freeze rather than run. If you pass, your hirelings automatically pass.

Foreign Parts
1. You have traveled for most of your life. You never gain fatigue from riding or walking.
2. Start with an appearance and native language so unusual that, to most people, your profession is the second most shocking thing about you. Make up 1d6 ludicrous lies.
3. Your clothing is unusual. Start with robes worth 5sp. You can conceal one apple-sized item inside them.

4. In your country, cannons are as common as rabbits, and wars are prosecuted without mercy. Start with a pair of leather gloves.
5. Your crimes in Foreign Parts were numerous and disreputable. You can evaluate the approximate worth of items (as a Thief).
6. You know the secrets of mathematics. Start with the Mathematics skill and a book.

1. You made a pact with a fire elemental. Start with a small lantern (illuminates 10', lasts 24hrs/flask) and 3 flasks of oil. Gain a +4 to Save vs Fire. If the flame in the lantern ever goes out, you permanently lose half your HP.
2. You woke up next to your cannon with no memory of how you got there. Your skills are fresh; your memory is blank before last week. Roll on the Table of Professions and gain the skill listed. You do not consciously know you have this skill.
3. You believe gunpowder can cure many ailments. You can Save to remove a curse, disease, or enchantment if you eat a spoonful of gunpowder. You can only make 1 attempt per condition. This effect only works on you. You don't know this.
4. Your back is strong. You can spend 2 HP to gain +1 inventory slot for 1 hour. You can repeat this process as many times as you would like.
5. You are missing three fingers and one eye. Start with +2 HP. You don't sleep well.
6. Chose a visible profession (Wizards, Priests, Cheesemongers, etc.) A member of that profession wronged you in the past. In combat, you gain a +4 bonus to Attack the first time you fire your cannon at a member of this profession, but you must Save or chose them as your first target.

Further Reading:
Ancient Cannon in Europe (main source)
The Pirate King - Early Smoothbore Cannon