Here are all the monsters from Veins of the Earth tabulated, sorted, and presented for your gustatory enjoyment. Bookmark this page and search for the latest creature your PCs decided to eat. Feel free to add comments explaining their mishaps. If you haven't read Veins of the Earth, this post won't make a lot of sense. Maybe the entries will convince you to buy it.
Flavours are based on guesswork, research papers, and the horrified speculations of my chemist friends.
In the GLOG system, lunch heals you 1d6+your level HP, and a good night's sleep after dinner heals you fully. If you're prefer a more interesting and diverse system, check out these rules, or this class. You could use them, plus the table below, to run an entire campaign based around cooking and eating rare dungeon creatures. However, Veins of the Earth runs on a very tightly wound scarcity economy. Survival is more important than exploring the delicate flavours of your slain enemies. Everyone eats everyone, if they can.
Saves are listed in a general format, either as a general Save, against a Stat (vs. Constitution), or against an effect (vs. Fear). Adapt to your system as needed.
|Lycon, Ben Mauro|
Normal MeatAny minor magical creature, friend, or henchmen. Even cows are just a little bit magical, but you can eat them without worrying. Add +1 to the roll if the meat was properly cooked and prepared, and -4 if the meat is rotten. Spices and side dishes might add further bonuses. Starvation adds at least +2. Eating your friends might call down the Rapture.
Normal Meat Effects (d6)1. Save vs Constitution or lose any benefit from the meal, and spend the rest of the day queasy and gassy.
2-5. No Extra Effect
6. Delicious! Heal 1 HP, or 1 additional HP.
Flavour: incredibly bitter, very lean pork.
Notes: anything but the claws and head is Normal Meat. The neck and head require a roll on the Alkalion Seed table. The claws or anything near the alkahest glands causes instant death if eaten.
Flavour: beans rolled in glass dust
Notes: the seed core must be clipped out very carefully and then boiled. They make a thin, unpleasant, and very risky meal.
|1-3||Glass Splinters. They shred your guts, crystallizing and spreading. Save or permanently lose 1d6 Constitution and HP. You lose any benefit from the meal.|
|4-7||Seedcall. You can hear the location of the alkalion and any seeds. Like a needle scratching on glass. So high pitched you can only hear it with your mind, not your ears. Maddening, but helpful.|
|8-10||No extra effect.|
Flavour: a masterful dish of tremendous flavour
Notes: eating the Anglerlich is just another way of taking the bait. 1d10 rounds into the meal, provided the hero's soul has matured sufficiently, the Fish will arrive. The Fish itself cannot be eaten (it dissolves into nightmares, static, and light), but the Liche is sometimes designed to be eaten. Probably Normal Meat, possibly poison. Things to shout during liche-feasting:
|1||Taste My Succulent Body!|
|2||Beasts, All Of You!|
|3||Am I Not The Finest Dish?|
|4||Fools, I Am Deadly Poison!|
|5||You Eat Of My Flesh But Do Not Taste My Power!|
|6||Ahahaha! Flavours From Your Childhood! I Taste Of Nostalgia!|
|7||I Curse You To Be Devoured In Turn!|
|8||You Think This Is My Real Body?|
|9||And Now, I Reveal My True And Even More Hideous Form!|
|10||And Now, I Reveal That You Are Eating Your Friend Instead! It Was An Illuuuuusion!|
Flavour: instant death, via tongue-first annihilation
Flavour: stringy, squishy, and bitter
Notes: drag the entire thing into a cooking pot and boil it. If you pick through the spiders and bits, you can find food for HD people. If you boil it instead, you can make food for HDx2 people. Arachnopolis soup (or individual spiders, in sufficient numbers) is Normal Meat. The soup is a delicacy to some cultures. It is said to ward off impotence, or possibly induce it, depending on the cultural and ecological pressures in the area.
Flavour: death by heavy metal poisoning or radiation. Tastes bitter, then like nothing.
Notes: death never comes soon enough. If you Save, you feel fine, miraculously, for now. In any case you die in agony. Your flesh is poison.
See: archeans. Tastes very faintly of sugar, but you still die horribly.
Flavour: are you sure? Really? You know how much this stuff is worth? If you insist. It tastes like sugar, metal, and miniature firecrackers. Your hair stands on end and your teeth buzz. It is completely incompatible with your biology but that sure as hell isn't going to stop it.
Notes: anyone watching someone taste atomic honey is instantly aware that they should run. They can Save to Dodge and run before any of the effects below take place. Alternatively, the honey does whatever the GM thinks it ought to do. The archeans spread it on platinum toast.
|1-3||Transcendence Rejected. You explode. 1d10x10' radius, 2d20 damage, all gear and items lost. You die happy.|
|4-6||My Body! Gain your HD in random mutations. No matter how horrible the results are, you are convinced they are great.|
|7-8||Eyes of Light. They glow like torches, even with your eyelids closed. You can see through time, space, rock, souls, and smoke. You must Save vs Wisdom to focus on anything useful, and you always go last in initiative order.|
|9||Hemiapotheosis. As Eyes of Light, but selective. You can choose to see the world with your normal vision, ignoring the requirement to Save vs Wisdom. Also, gain +2 to all Stats, +10 HP, and an ironclad ego. You are almost among the gods now.|
|10||Apotheosis. As Hemiapotheosis. Also, you also glow like a candle and hover 2" off the ground. You gain 2 Magic Dice and 2 spell slots. If you were not one already, you become a spellcaster. You learn the command spell.|
Flavour: bitter pork
Notes: on the surface, the gigaferret would be a meal of last resort. In the Veins, it's a feast. Normal Meat.
Calcinated Cancer Bear
Flavour: horrible, gritty, bitter beef coated in soot and riddled with bones.
Notes: Normal Meat with a -4 penalty. It is awful, truly awful, but the tumors and cysts will keep you alive.
Flavour: egg whites, hints of lemon and bleach
Notes: one of the few useful thinks the cambrimen can do is be eaten. Most things don't want to, but there are tricks to it. Their jelly-like cells burst if boiled in salt water for 6hrs, forming a delicious broth (Normal Meat with a +2 bonus). The energy require to turn them into food puts off most predators.
Castilian Caddis Larvae
Flavour: buttery soft flesh, thick skin, crackling chitin plates, then, seconds later, the fizz of residual magic
Notes: if your main concern after killing a living arms depot is cooking the horrible segmented insect inside, you are either starving or insane.
|1-2||Magic Cough. Save or gain a random magical disease (lycanthropy, mummy rot, electrogonorrhea).|
|3||Metal Poisoning. Save or lose 1d6 Con per day, for 1d6 days, or until you are cured. Most antidotes and treatments will not cure heavy metal poisoning.|
|4-8||Delicious! The residual magic only enhances the flavour. Heal 1 HP, or 1 additional HP.|
|9||Enchanted Flesh. Roll on the Magic Item table and apply the enchantment to 1. tongue, 2. ears, 3. eyes, 4. teeth, 5. fingers, 6. heart. This might be fatal. It might also give you flaming +1 teeth.|
|10||Burst of Enchantment. As Enchanted Flesh, but 3 times. Also Save or gain a Mutation.|
Flavour: utterly rotten pork, collapsing and sliding as you bite
Notes: even if you are starving to death, even if you have a knife to your throat, you still need to Save vs. Constitution to consider eating cholerid meat. Their meat is Normal Meat with a -6 penalty. Cooking it does not help, but it does give you a +2 bonus to Save vs Disease. And you will need to Save vs the Disease.
Notes: a half-mile long living museum which is acutely aware of everything taking place on its back, deadly towards the front, and supremely well defended by p-zombie art historians is a difficult meal indeed. It's not a monster. It's terrain. If probably tastes like wallpaper paste, but it could feed an army.
Flavour: clay and rust
Notes: if you are in a position to eat a cromagnogolem, its flesh is just clay. No nutrition, no flavour, no benefits. Some bits of flesh might be trapped inside the skull, enough for a starving PC to see hope. If you try and eat it while it is still animate, the clay will choke you to death from the inside out. Save or die.
Flavour: soggy noodles, sorrow, rancid meat, and magic. So much magic. Your earwax melts.
Notes: PCs might accidentally create egg-dead by killing and improperly cooking a dragon.
|1-2||False Pregnancy. No visible effect, at first. You become pregnant, no matter your gender. The pregnancy progresses at body-horror speed (1d20+1 hours). At the end, you die as the infused and twisted egg-dead crawl free, reborn as Flesh Dragons, mad and full of hot blood.|
|3-4||But Why? Save vs Charisma. If you fail, you cannot continue the meal and spend 1d6 hours weeping. At the end of that time, Save. If you fail, go permanently insane. You weep and babble, full of regret, slowly changing and morphing as the ghostly voices of the egg-dead claw at you.|
|5-6||Cracked Frame. Save. If you fail, permanently lose 1d6 Strength and Con. If you pass, permanently lose 1 Strength and Con anyway.|
|7-9||Dragon Revitalization. You heal fully, are cured any non-magical diseases, and regrow any missing limbs or features with a loud popping sound.|
|10||Dragon Vision. Save. If you succeed, gain Wizard Vision, the ability to see in the dark, and the ability to hypnotize small mammals by staring at them.|
Flavour: can't remember
Notes: can't remember how to eat. touch i t huurt
Flavour: stone grit and chalk dust
Notes: there is no flesh left. A fossil vampire's hoard might contain a few strips of Normal Meat, but the vampire itself is stone, and you can't eat stone. A perfect, undamaged, opalized heart, if soaked in highly distilled alcohol for a year and a day, and then mixed with the fresh blood of an innocent child, will produce a liquid capable of turning any mortal into an Auric Vampire. This is generally a bad idea.
Flavour: mix of chicken, pork, and mushroom. Delicious, but politically disastrous. By the time the meal has cooled the war will have begun.
Notes: best served grilled.
|1-7||Delicious! Heal 1 HP, or 1 additional HP.|
|8-9||Fungal Infection. Save or the fungus colonizes your nerves. You will hallucinate, rave, and vomit for the next 1d6 days. In the end, you will sporiate and die, and the fungus will take over. If you Save, you reject the fungus, but permanently lose 1d6 from 2 random Stats.|
|10||Your Mission, Should You Chose To Accept It. You are offered one chance to complete the fungal ambassador's mission. It is vitally important. It will save thousands of lives. The fate of nations is at stake. If you accept, the fungus retreats to a corner of your mind and goes dormant. It will wait until you die to sporiate. If you refuse, see Fungal Infection.|
|Concept Art, Mushroom Men|
Notes: Normal Meat, but with a 1-in-20 chance of inflicting a spore attack if the meat was not rinsed before being cooked. 4-in-6 funginids are poisonous unless cooked, 2-in-6 are poisonous anyway.
Flavour: chitin and dust, like bread made from eggshells
Notes: gegenschein meat is Normal Meat, but there will always be disappointingly little of it. No matter what, someone is going hungry.
Notes: you can eat it, but it's exactly like eating stone. There is no benefit.
Flavour: chemical death
Notes: looks as edible as a magnesium campfire, smells acrid, dangerously magical, immensely worrying. Ask "are you sure?" as many times as you need to. Eating it is death, no Save.
Notes: eating one alive automatically inflicts the curse of the ignimbrite mite and 8 damage. They evaporate like a tiny cinder if killed.
Flavour: thin pork
Notes: Knotsmen are Normal Meat. On a roll of 1, you've found a pin with your tongue. Take 1 damage.
Flavour: oil. Not olive oil, motor oil. Thick, black, repugnant, aromatic. Dries out your nose.
Notes: Normal Meat, but to eat the meat, you have to squeeze the oil out. You can't roast them for obvious reasons. Roll with a -4 penalty if eaten raw. To cook them, boil them, skimming the rainbow-sheen water every few minutes. The result is a horrible thin soup.
Flavour: delicious fish, slightly rubbery, firm and heavy with fat, clear as glass.
Notes: a feast beyond imagining. Hostilities will begin or end for access. Normal Meat with a +4 bonus. The smell carries for miles underground.
Flavour: thin pork with a subtle, difficult to name flavour
Notes: no one is sure if eating one of these creatures is an insult, part of their plan, or a new vector for infection. If you can see them, if they aren't just a ghost to you, their meat is Normal Meat, but there is a possibility - so low it should be left up to the GM - that there are just enough genes to trigger a prion cascade and send the PC screaming down some shamanistic path of madness. In all other cases they never existed in the first place and cannot, therefore, be eaten.
Flavour: not applicable
Notes: it's light, not food. If you kill it, you have only killed light. The real trick is to wound it, force it into a corner, and bottle it. Then you can drink it. You need to drink at least one litre. It tastes just like moonlight.
|1-3||Purified. You are cured of any mundane or magical diseases, other than lycanthropy.|
|8-9||Vistas. You can see through 10' of stone as if it were glass. You glow as brightly as a candle. You are slightly sticky. This effect lasts 1d6 hours.|
|10||Vast Vistas. Save or go permanently insane. If you pass, as Vistas, but permanent. You can choose to weigh as much as a feather. You can only be harmed by silver weapons. Spells targeting you have a 1-in-6 chance of reflecting back at their casters. You no longer age. You will inflict terror and fear whenever you can.|
Flavour: rubbery fish, strange white lumps
Notes: eating an Olm is slightly disrespectful, but only because you're not giving them the chance to do it themselves. It's theft, not sacrilege. Their meat is Normal Meat. The know many, many secret ways to eat - not to cook, never to cook, but to neatly disassemble - things in the Veins, and they are always hungry. If you've just killed something and you aren't sure what to do with it, bring it to the Olm, and share a meal with them.
Flavour: blubber and metallic blood
Notes: Normal Meat with a -2 penalty, unless you eat the heart, the eyes, or the wonderful curled brain. Then roll on the table below.
|1-2||Worldbend. Something flickers in the dark. Shadows dark enough to conceal texture are like chasms to you. You'll fall down the next one and splash into the Nightmare Sea. You do not know this is about to happen. It might already be happening. You could already be falling down, down, to the sunless depths. You won't have time to drown.|
|3-8||Nightmares. Paranoia. Jitters. Screams in the dark for 1d6 days. When it's over, you have one day of peace. Then Save. If you fail, permanent nightmares. If you pass, you will never be troubled again. You can tell illusions from reality, shadow from spirits.|
|9||The True Eye. You fall catatonic for 1d6 hours. When you awake, you can permanently see through illusions, lies, water, and smoke from burning meat. Your sense of humor is diminished.|
|10||The Nightmare Eye. As the True Eye, except, once per day, you can cause one person you look at to Save or be wracked with waking nightmares for 1d6 hours.|
Panic Attack Jack
Flavour: grey, cold pork
Notes: Normal Meat. They're just dead climbers, after all.
Phantom Hand of Gargas
Flavour: not applicable
Notes: you... I mean... just... how?
Flavour: watery, acidic pork. Alternatively, watery, very acidic mushrooms
Notes: the bodies they've taken over are Normal Meat, if you peel out the spore's nerve-tendrils. If you eat the spores, roll on the table below.
|1-3||Painful Death. The spore, revitalized by your stomach acid, melts you from the inside out. Save or die in agony. If you Save, permanently lose 1d6 Constitution and HP and spit out a fist-sized spore.|
|4-5||Spore Parasite. The spore slowly bubbles up from your nose and mouth the next time you sleep. If someone is on watch, they might be able to swat it away. Otherwise, it eats your head.|
|6-7||Too Weak. Your stomach dissolves the spore No extra effect.|
|8||Spore Growth. The spore infiltrates your digestive tract and organs, becoming a part of you. Gain +1 Constitution and +4 to Save vs Poison. Your skin becomes waxy and slightly tacky. You have 1d6 weeks under your own control before the spore squeezes out of your ears, eats your head, and sporiates.|
|9||Spore Carrier. As Spore Growth. Also, the spore consumes your organs and replaces their functions, at least for the time being. You are mostly hollow inside. Only your bones and nerves remain. You Regenerate 1 HP per round but permanently lose 2 Strength. The spore will keep you alive as long as you serve its hidden goals (conflict, madness, death). Expect instant pain and whispered madness should you fail, and death should you resist.|
|10||Spore Apotheosis. As Spore Carrier. Also, once per day, you can cast command with 2 magic dice on an fungoid or spore-based creature you see. The dice do not return to your pool. You can give the creature any command you could give a dog. You believe you are serving your own goals, but in truth, the spore has full hold of you now.|
Flavour: ash and stone
Notes: the red inside is not meat. There's no way it could be meat. It pulses and twitches like cut muscle, but it's not. It bleeds red, but no, it's stone. Hot, almost molten, stone. But if you were desperate, starving, mad with hunger... you'd still try. You'd think you were eating pork, but that would just be your own lips and tongue cooking. It's a terrible way to die.
If you are hungry enough, you might not burn to death. You might live on as another ghoul. Possibly the same ghoul.
Flavour: fizzy bleach tapioca
Notes: a radiolarian has faced worse threats than being cracked and eaten. Proceed with caution and fire. Lots of fire. If you haven't boiled it for at least 20 minutes, roll on the table below with a -4 penalty.
|1-5||Reconquest. A smaller radiolarian bursts from your chest in 1d6 hours. It is an emergency module; a core of critical memories wrapped in stolen meat-engines. It glows like a stoplight and moves as fast as an arrow. A single large radiolarian can produce an almost unlimited number of smaller emergency copies this way.|
|6-8||It's Edible. No extra effect.|
|9-10||Radical Gene-Spliced Defenses. Pick a thing. You are now immune to that thing. Age, daggers, fire, snakes, and fear are acceptable answers. Death is not. The exact mechanism that makes you immune is up to the GM.|
|Cannot find the source. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing...|
Flavour: not applicable
Notes: if your players start eating philosophical concepts, you'll need a different supplement
Flavour: bony, dry fish
Notes: Normal Meat. On the surface, you couldn't sell these in a slum. In the Veins, they're delicious. 3 fish are required to make a meal, but chances are pretty good you'll have plenty to go around.
Flavour: hot industrial death
Notes: grab all the dice you can see and roll them. That much damage. One colour for radiation, another for fire, another for chemical burns. Tastes metallic, but that's just your nerves boiling. Like trying to eat a burning oil tanker made from uranium. A terrible idea.
Notes: Normal Meat. The nose is a delicacy, and grants a +2 bonus.
Spectre of the Bröcken
Flavour: not applicable
Notes: gods, even strange ones, are not edible to mortals. It's categorically impossible, like a four-sided triangle.
Flavour: not applicable. Alternatively, your own teeth, gums, tongue, and blood.
Notes: like eating an intangible bullet. The bullet passes through you safely. The shockwave does not. Trying to eat one deliberately might be seen as playful behavior.
Flavour: thin pork, slightly metallic, hints of chlorine
Notes: Normal Meat with a -2 penalty, but if you look at the head, you cannot eat the meal. Do not look at the head. For all that is holy, do not blindfold yourself and eat the head. Oh no. What have you done?
|1-4||Skin Burns. You burst, shredded by raw chemical light and heat. Save or die. If you Save, you are burned, warped, and scarred. Your jaw hangs down like a necklace. Your nose is gone. You are blind.|
|5-7||Mere Blindness. You are merely blinded.|
|8-9||Nightmare Biology. Gain +2 to 3 random Stats, 3 random Mutations, and the ability to see in the dark. Your daily food requirement doubles.|
|10||Spotlight. As Nightmare Biology. Also, you gain the spotlight dog's light-howl. Your head glows like theirs. Your skin and hair lose all colour. Tumor-fetus-hounds invade your body. You can function as a character for 1d10+charisma bonus days before turning on the party, unless driven off. You will become the leader of a pack if you survive.|
Flavour: stone, or bloody, skinless pork
Notes: the legs are made of something very much like stone. The naked, skinned Still-Tor-Man is Normal Meat, but eating a duplicate of yourself ought to cause more madness than usual. Maybe you'll become a Perfect Wendgio - a being that can only hunt itself.
Flavour: glass and ozone
Notes: you can't eat stormsheep. There is no meat, nothing nutritious. You can use them to cook other meals though. Throw meat at them and then run away. Come back and collect the burn-blasted remnants.
Flavour: bile, grass, yeast, rotten meat.
Notes: You've felt unwell for days. Weak. You're losing weight. Then you vomit up the tachyon troll. All of you, anyone who would have eaten it. It slowly pulls itself together. Then, you have to fight it. It's a reverse meal. You need to eat twice as much the next day. Chances are pretty good that, even if you kill it, you won't want to eat it, but if you do, see the Troll table.
Flavour: ammonia, urine, blood, fish, grit
Notes: the fish bits are Normal Meat. For the slime bits, see Gelatinous Cube. Roll on that table with a +2 bonus if you are particularly predatory. The slime will live to hunt again.
|Finding God, Max Swinton. File is no longer online.|
Flavour: fish, chalk dust
Notes: despite their almost impossible life cycle, the meat of a titanskull hermit crab is Normal Meat. It is ludicrously calorically dense. Even if predators wanted to dodge the claws, pry the crab from the titan-skull, and crack the shell, their instincts to gorge would be their death. Eating a spoonful of crab meat requires you to Save or die from massive caloric overdose. Your entire body twitches. Every cell in your throat and stomach goes into overdrive, uses up all its resources, ossifies, and poisons you. From the outside it looks like a very energetic seizure.
You can eat the meat one sliver at a time (though titanobacteria and archeoparasites will race you and win before you've finished a single claw). Drying the meat preserves it, but you must dry it in sunlight. A thumb-sized piece of crab meat will make a soup to feed 100 people. The Olm know this. Their scouts saw the battle. They are already on their way. They have a plan.
Flavour: oily fish, salt, bitter aftertaste
Notes: Normal Meat, but every 10 minutes of frenzied activity before you kill results in a -1 penalty to the Normal Meat roll. It's burning calories and storing acids. Cracking the shell is the hard part. Try high cliffs, magic weapons, or levers. Or the Olm - they have secret oils to melt the tendons away.
Flavour: fish, old bones, little spines of chitin
Notes: Normal Meat. Nothing special, nothing magical, nothing dangerous.
Flavour: buttery, bitter, whorls of fat and white meat
Notes: the spider is Normal Meat. The children are Normal Meat.
|Jewel caterpillar. Cannot find the source video.|
Flavour: a tiny blood sausage found under a dusty wardrobe
Notes: the wings are beautiful but not nutritious. Cast them aside. Pop the wriggling butterfly into your mouth. You need to eat at least 10 to gain the benefit of Normal Meat. The butterflies are poor, maddening meals. Eating them, or the caterpillars, or the chyrsalides, requires a Save against their respective madness tables.
Flavour: seawater, grey meat
Notes: eating it, cooked or raw, causes paralysis for 1d4 hours, followed by the usual horrifying zombie coral effects. The first affected body part is the stomach, and it spreads twice as fast. If you boil zombie coral in strong acid, then neutralize the acid with lye, you can make a broth of Normal Meat, though why you would bother is anyone's guess.
Flavour: black liquorice, cloves, fever-sweat
Notes: they are not-quite-real, so feast accordingly. They are not-quite-false, so you will sate yourself. Roll three times if you eat the heart.
|1-3||Nightmares. Paranoia. Jitters. Screams in the dark for 1d6 days. When it's over, you have one day of peace. Then Save. If you fail, permanent nightmares. If you pass, you will never be troubled again.|
|4-7||Meat. No extra effect.|
|8-9||The Pain. You can smell fear and pain, about as well as you could smell smoke. The effects last for 1d6 days.|
|10||Twisted. Your soul draws some of the nightmare into your flesh. Choose one thing. You hate that thing beyond measure, beyond comprehension. If you can see the thing you hate, you may reroll any failed Saves vs Death or Fatal Wounds.|
Notes: their flesh is living stone, and you can't eat stone.
The Contaminated Warplock, David Cuzik Matysiak
Flavour: the dEr0 have a flavour. Can you remember it? Tell us their flavour. Yes. What is a chicken? Do not lie.
Notes: dEr0 meat is Normal Meat. Normal all the way through. It does not cause the brain to rot. All memories of brain rot have been removed.
Flavour: bitter pork, free of parasites and tumors; a rarity in the Veins
Notes: Normal Meat, but marbled in a perfect grid. Right-angle veins, cell walls like interlocking blocks.
Notes: once again, you can't eat stone
Flavour: thin pork
Notes: gnonmen meat is Normal Meat, but they will be very annoyed with you if you kill them just to eat them.