OSR: HD(NA) of the Monster Manual + MMII + Fiend Folio

I'm working on a new project: the Monster Overhaul. This post is part of the planning process.

UP IN THE AIR, JUNIOR BIRDMEN!

In Volume 1 of Original D&D, Gary wrote that “There is no reason that players cannot be allowed to play as virtually anything, provided they begin relatively weak and work up to the top.” I’ve noted that I played several Balrogs, and way back in the Introduction, I told the story of Sir Fang, the first Vampire player character.

Note, however, that Sir Fang was not the LAST Vampire player character.

One of the gang at the U of Minnesota wanted to play a vampire. This was LONG before vampires were sparkly, and, for that matter, long before they were Brad Pitt. A vampire was Christopher Lee or Bela Lugosi in tuxedo and opera cape, period.

In D&D, if you wanted to play anything, you ALWAYS started low level and worked your way up. D&D undead had a correlation between type and hit dice; a Skeleton was 1 HD, a Zombie 2, etc, up through Ghoul, Wight, Wraith, Mummy, Spectre, Vampire… so our would-be vampire started, of course, as a Skeleton. But at long last he became a vampire, and then, per the rules, proceeded to make a bunch of slaves by “putting the fangs to them.” Of course, those killed would rise with 1 HD also… as a Skeleton.

Eventually the vampire got a cohort of slave vampires and spectres following him. Hooray.

Well, one dark moonlit night our PC and his henchpires were out travelling somewhere and had a random encounter… another band of vampires. PC decides he’s going to eliminate the lead vampire of the other gang and take them all over; the NPC vampire had much the same idea. And the fight was on.

Vampire attacks Spectre. Vampire hits; Spectre is drained 2 levels; Spectre becomes a Wraith.

Wraith attacks a different enemy, a Spectre, because it’s easier to hit, and hits. But wraiths drain one level, not two, so the enemy Spectre is drained one level… and turns into a mummy.

Oh, by the way… both vampire gangs had been flying, and were fighting at an approximate altitude of 1000 feet above the ground. And mummies are notable for their aerodynamics – “notable” in the sense of, “They fly about as well as a dessicated human corpse that’s had its internal organs pulled out and then been wrapped in bandages.”

And the hapless mummy plummets earthward, flapping its arms madly.

I’m sure you can see where this is heading. The aerial duel continued in something rather like “Night of the Living Dead” meets “Blue Max,” and as the combatants were drained levels, they would eventually hit a non-flying form… zombie, ghoul, wight, or mummy… and go hurtling towards the ground in the grip of that puissant incantation, “9.8 meters per second squared”.

I picture the peasants below, huddling in their wretched huts and praying as hard as they can as various half-decomposed bodies fall out of the sky to land with meaty thumps. On the other hand, all that organic material would be great fertilizer.

I’ve never needed rules for “comic relief” in D&D. Wait patiently and the players will provide it in abundance.

-Mike "Old Geezer" Mornard

Back in the original post, I took the AD&D MM and created a sort of phylogenetic tree, with monsters sorted into categories by HD and best guesses at related monsters.

Well, I went back and combed through the MM II and Fiend Folio, pulled all the monsters out, and created an updated chart. Click through for full size.

Using This Chart

For those of you joining us from other editions, "HD" are actually Hit Dice, the total number of d8s rolled to calculate a creature's Hit Points. Numbers in brackets are either extra HP added on top of rolled HP (+[2]) or total number of hit points ([1-3]) or, in the MM II, fractions of HD for some reason [1/4]. Don't worry about it too much.

This chart includes all creatures, with the following exceptions:

• Dinosaurs (too many HD, not too useful to list)
• Demons and Devils (already sequenced by HD)
• Angels and Divine Messengers (ditto)

Black is the AD&D MM, orange is the MM II, and purple is the Fiend Folio.

It's also a handy list of all the monsters everyone's forgotten... often for good reasons.

Leveling as Anything

Advance upwards each time you level. You can choose to move to a linked creature or stay as your current creature. If there are blank spaces above the creature, it indicates levels that must be gained without change in HD to reach the next creature listed. If an entry repeats, the creature gains an HD as it levels.
If 2 or more creatures share a HD band entry, any one of them can be chosen.

E.g. A 1 HD Vegepygmy levels up. It can choose to become a 2HD Vegepygmy, a 2 HD Barkburr, or a 2 HD Dryad.

E.g. A 3 HD Boar, Wild levels up. It can choose to advance one level towards becoming a Boar, Giant or become a 4HD Lycanthrope, Wereboar.

The blue lines in the 1 HD band connect to the Man entry.

Wait, What?

Yup.

A 0 HD Man can level to become a:

• 1 HD Man (Caveman)
• 1 HD Baboon
• 1 HD Dakon
• 1 HD Aarakocra
• 1 HD Merman
• 1 HD Skeleton
• (after waiting a level) 2 HD Lycanthrope, Seawolf, Lesser.
• (after waiting a level) 2 HD Ogrillion
• (after waiting a level) 2 HD Gnoll

Not all monsters are connected (it's a bit of a stretch as-is). Wherever possible, descriptions in the Monster Manual like "a distant cousin of" or "related to" were used to place creatures on the tree.

Some of these monsters are utterly forgettable. I've already forgotten what a Terithran is or how it differs from a Denzelian. So many duplicated designs, minor variants, and forgettable monsters. How many pixie-type-things and evil trees can anyone use? So many wasted pages. Still, it was a fun exercise rereading the books and finding unexpected connections.

Lucas Roussel

Life Cycles / Aging

If you interpret HD gain as aging, the charts reveal some fairly strange life cycles. Ogres go through an aquatic stages (presumably as they migrate for spawning?). An ambitious rat can level into a Wereshark. Mature Elves become Marids; mature Gnomes become Night Hags.

Does any of this make sense? Not really. But neither does the story above and that's canon.

Possible 0-Level Characters:

• Man
• Rat
• Jackal
• Cat (Domestic)
• Raven
• Weasel
• Skunk
• Squirrel (Ordinary)
• Kobold
• Ear Seeker
• Vilstrak
• Bowler
• Mold
• Oblivax
• Brownie
• Bookia
• Nixie
• Sprite
• Leprechaun
• Atomie
• Cerebral Parasite
• Eye, Floating
• Kilmoulis
• Webbird
• Tiger Fly Larva
• Pernicon
• Centipede, Huge
• Galltrit
• Goblin
• Bat (Ordinary)
• Phantom
• Rot Grub
• Throat Leech
• Gas Spore
• Gorbel
• Muckdweller

Forget Wizard, Thief, and Fighter. Go with a Brownie, a Rat, and a Tiger Fly Larva trying to make their way in the world. Get rich or get squished trying.

OSR: The Monster Overhaul - Planning

I'm thinking of writing a Monster Manual. This post is about sharpening the axe.

Multiple Ways To Organize Information

How does the AD&D Monster Manual organize entries?

• Alphabetical table of contents at the front. No page #s or randomization methods, just a list of creatures.
• Statblocks presented in alphabetical order, with subgroups (Demons, Dinosaurs, Dragons, Giants, etc.)
• Index at the back of the book. Entries are listed alphabetically with subgroups, with page #s, in the order that they appear in the text.

How does the 5th Edition Monster Manual organize entries?

• Alphabetical table of contents at the front of the book with page #s.
• Statblocks presented in alphabetical order, with subgroups (Dragons, etc.)
• Appendix at the end of the book of "Miscellaneous Creatures", which appear in a condensed format without art. They aren't listed individually in the table of contents at the front of the book.
• Index at the back of the book. Entries are listed alphabetically with subgroups, with page #s. Entries from the main text are mixed in with entries from the "Miscellaneous Creatures" section.

So while the AD&D MM might not be the pinnacle of design, 5th Edition appears to have taken a step backwards! Information is repeated needlessly. An index is great, but if it's a copy of the table of contents then it's not an index.

How Are Readers Accessing Information?

This is a crucial question for book design. What are the entry points into a book? Why is someone using it?

For Monster Manuals, the main reasons are:

• Looking up a monster by name (at the table). E.g. A module calls for stats for a skeleton.
• Reading to generate ideas (not at the table). E.g. You're working on a module or encounter table of your own.

And that's pretty much it... because that's all current Monster Manuals are designed to do.

But what if there were more entry points?

It's handy to have all the monsters in alphabetical order if you need to look one up, but it's not necessary. By breaking from that design, we can introduce a whole host of new tools.

The Monster Overhaul Layout

Here's the draft plan. 20 sections with 20 entries. Each number in the image above will have 20 creatures. Some will be classic monsters, some will be entirely new entries. All will have variants and useful tools.

Splitting the monsters into 20 sections means GMs can pick and choose their monsters. Want to run a gothic horror game? Mix 1, 6, and 10. Want to run Gygaxian wilderness? Mix 1, 8, 9, 10, 13, etc. Etc, etc.

It also means I can focus on the 20 "best" monsters for each section and weed out mistakes or flawed designs.

Dodging Exoticism

I'm trying to make sections of the book as generic as possible, for use in as many settings and games as possible. Unfortunately, early drafts of 1. People with zero cultural markers ended up... very bland. Unusably bland, in fact. So I've had to give the core of the chart a medieval-ish feel and work from there. There's no reason you need to use it as the core though; a game where the PCs are monsters raiding civilization would probably use 15. Dungeon as the core.

And if I want to include "classic" monsters like the Couatl or the Djinn, where should I put them? Having separate Fantasy Arabia, Fantasy South America, etc. sections based on lumping and splitting folklore seemed like the worst possible idea. Instead, I'm using terrain types. 6. Hostile Forests includes Forest Spirits, pixies, etc. 7. Hot Plains covers elephants, rhinos, Djinn, etc. and 8. Mysterious Mountains covers (very broadly) Su-Monster, Yeti, Lammasu, Ice Titans, etc. 

Is this an ideal solution? No. I'll probably revise it. But it's a step in the right direction. It won't be as good as a setting-specific bestiary and encounter table, but a Monster Manual never is.

12. Strange Water is a placeholder for microfauna made big.
13. Sci-Fi includes malfunctioning robots, alien visitors, etc. The usual Barrier Peaks stuff.
16. Outsider might be better renamed "A Wizard Did It".
Sections may change as work progresses.

Encounter Tables

The AD&D DMG and the Fiend Folio both have Monster Level tables. These are d100 encounter tables with probability curves. The monster's HD, number encountered, AC, movement, etc. are given in the table... but not a page reference back to the main statblock. "Monster Level" is also somewhat arbitrary.

Similarly, the A&D DMG and Fiend Folio have terrain encounter tables.

While these are handy and condensed, they're also... flat. You get a [rolls] Ice Troll. FIGHT. You see a giant ram. FIGHT.

OSR design moved away from a one-line number-name encounter tables a long time ago. Bryce (rightly) complains about it all the time

So the Monster Overhaul will include encounter tables. Really good encounter tables.

Magical Industrial Revolution uses 2 different formats: a d100 table with d20 subgroups and a "condensed" format based off City State of the Invincible Overlord. The main table has more info, while the condensed format allows for quick rolls and more unusual situations.

I'm also fan of the Omen + Encounter format used in my other products. Players get Omens if they move cautiously and pay attention.
I'm not a fan of linked tables. They were really big in the '90s. Roll on the Humanoid Type table. If you get a Dwarf, roll on the Dwarf subtable. If you get a Dwarf Warrior, roll on the Dwarf Warrior weapon subtable, etc. Just pages and pages of nested tables, often with obscure naming schemes, and with no real sense of flow or information hierarchy.

Central Casting - Dungeons. '93.

Goals

• Every entry should be self-contained. If information is needed, it should be on the same page or close by. Minimal flipping back and forth or referencing tables.
• Encounters should be evocative without requiring endless subtables.
• Monsters should have variants. 
• Tools should be provided. What's a minotaur without a labyrinth?
• Generic stats.
• Assume the reader can figure stuff out. If there's a skeleton variant that says "Centaur Skeleton: as fast as a horse", I don't need to provide stats. The GM can figure out if the Centaur Skeleton can climb a ladder or run down a fleeing PC.
• Tools, not rules. 
• Randomize everything. d20 sections with d20 entries. Pick 4 sections, roll 1d4 for section, then 1d20 for encounters.
• Include other ways to use the book. The text will contain Monster Menu-All entries and a section on the HD(NA) of the Monster Manual. Will I include a page splitting monsters into Prokopetz's 12 categories or the ones from the Celestial Emporium of Benevolent Knowledge? You bet I will.

Conclusions

You can read the first entry (Peasant) here. It'll be useful for all sorts of medieval-ish games.

If you want monster-by-monster updates and the ability to give immediate feedback, check out my Patreon. The first 4 entries (Peasant, Townsfolk, Pilgrim, and Knight) are already drafted. 1% done! The more support I have on Patreon, the more time I can devote to the book and the quicker it'll be finished.

OSR: Class: Geometer Wizard

Some ideas from Oblidisideryptch's post. I wanted to write a geometry-mechanism-astrology wizard school devoted to ordering the world. This is the result.

Alexander Shatohin

Starting Equipment: spellbook, ink and quill, protractor, ruler, plumb line. You also have a magnetic compass and black robes marked with white starcharts. 


The procession of equinoxes, the rise and fall of constellations, the movement of fixed and wandering stars; all fascinate the Geometer. Some parts of the world seem to follow perfect mathematical laws.This is not a coincidence because nothing is ever a coincidence. Other parts are disordered, but perhaps within the disorder there are hidden patterns and symmetries waiting to be discovered. 


Kuldar Leement

Perk


If you are casting with sunlight on you, your MD return to your pool on 1-4 (instead of 1-3).


Drawback


You cannot carry iron items. You must cast spells with a magnetic compass in your hand. You can make a new compass with 8 hours of effort and some basic tools. 


Cantrips


1. Know the exact angle and distance to any point you can see.

2. Instantly count how many objects are in a pile.
3. Before your roll MD for a spell, declare “odds” or “evens”. If the [sum] rolled matches your prediction, heal 1 HP or increase the damage dealt by the spell by 1.

Geometer Wizard Spell List


1. Magic Missile

R: 200' T: creature D: 0

Target takes [sum] + [dice] damage, no Save. As a Geometer Wizard, your spell is a right-angle lightning bolt of light.


2. Reform

R: touch T: creature with mutations D: [sum] hours / permanent

You remove or cure [dice] randomly selected mutations or magical transformations affecting a creature. Unwilling targets may Save to negate. If 4 or more [dice] are invested, the duration is permanent.


3. The Astrologer's Helper

R: 10' T: self D: [sum] minutes

Outlines of the planets, major stars, sun, and moon appear around you. You can use them to determine the time of day, true north, and your approximate position on the globe. You can also spend 5 minutes to read the horoscope of [dice] sentient creatures per casting. Roll 1d10. 1-8. No effect aside from the usual platitudes. 9. Doom. Creature must reroll their next Save and take the worse result. 10. Triumph. Creature automatically passes their next Save.


4. Moon Lust

R: 50' T: creature D: varies

Target creature loves the moon. They want to stare at it, jump up and hold it, or write poems about it. If [sum] is equal to or greater than the target's HD, they are stunned for 1d6 rounds. If [sum] is greater than 12, the target is stunned for 2d6 rounds and becomes permanently obsessed with the moon.


5. Package Neatly

R: 20' T: objects D: concentration / permanent

Up to [dice]x500lbs of nonliving objects, as you designate, are packed neatly. You must name the objects or their general category when you cast the spell ("those coins", "the contents of that room") If no packing materials are provided, the objects will be stacked into compact cubes, with the largest and most stable objects at the bottom. If chests, paper and twine, sacks, carts, etc. are provided, the spell will use them as you direct. The packages created will take up the minimum space possible, and will be remarkably sturdy. The spell will continue to pack objects for as long as you maintain concentration. The objects must be able to move freely. You could not use this spells to pack clothes someone was wearing. The objects will not lift more than 10' off the ground during the packing process.


6. Control Iron

R: 50’ T: example of [element] D: concentration

Control a handful of iron. At one [die]: (a) steer a chain like a snake, (b) fling a sword through the air, (c) open an iron lock or (d) pull the nails out of a small and badly built piece of furniture. Each [dice] you invest increases the effects. At 4 [dice], collapse a room or knock over a small army of knights.


7. Light

R: touch T: object or creature D: [dice]x2 hours

Object illuminates as a torch, with a radius of 20’+[dice]x10’. Alternatively, you can make an Attack roll against a sighted creature. If you succeed, the creature is blinded for [sum] rounds. If [sum] is greater than 12, the creature is permanently blinded. You can chose the colour of the light. If you invest 4 [dice] or more this light has all the qualities of natural sunlight. Alternatively, if you invest 4 [dice] or more the light can be purest octarine, although it will only last for 1 round. Octarine light is extremely dangerous.


8. Magnetic Blast

R: 50’ T: line D: 0

Designate a straight line up to 50’ long. The line can pass through solid objects. Any living creatures along the line take 1d6 damage. Anything in metal armour takes [sum] damage instead. Creatures made of iron, or with metal implants or piercings or delicate components, take 2x[sum] damage instead.


9. Track Ley Lines

R: [dice]x5 mile radius T: area D: 10 minutes

You trace the shape of ley lines, invisible rivers of magic that flow through the world. They can reveal hidden sites of magic power, ancient standing stones, or current rituals. If [sum] is 12 or more, you also know the location of a ley line node. Any spellcaster resting there may Save to gain a temporary bonus MD each morning.


10. Sturdy Circle in the Air

R: 100' T: point D: [sum] minutes

You draw a circle [dice]x5' in radius in the air. The circle is made of force, as solid as iron. You can draw the circle at any orientation. 


11. True Teleport

R: Creation T: self and 1+[dice] people or objects D: 0

The caster, and any number of willing people or objects touching the caster, teleport to a designated location the caster has seen before or knows well enough to visualize. They are swapped with an equivalent mass of matter from the target location. There is a 1% chance something goes awry during the teleportation. Teleporting east-west is safe, but changes in attitude require a roll under Dexterity on arrival, with a -1 penalty for every 100 miles travelled. 


12. Resurrection

R: touch T: recently dead creature D: 0

Target creature that died within the last [sum] rounds returns to life. Time briefly rewinds. They are restored to exactly the state they were in before combat. Any inconvenient bookkeeping can be adjusted arbitrarily by the GM. The target’s base Save becomes 1 and cannot be raised. If they were 10th level or sufficiently important (a king, a dragon, etc.), a Paradox Angel may be dispatched to investigate.

Mechanical Notes on the Geometer Wizard Spell List
A few of these spells come from my 1d100 Orthodox Spells list. The rest are new. Both Resurrection and True Teleport are very powerful. I also like the Control Iron spell. The formatting matches the other Control spells.

Marton Adam Marton

Geometer Wizard  Mishaps
1. MD only return to your pool on a 1-2 for 24hrs.
2. Take 1d6 damage.
3. Random mutation for 1d6 rounds, then Save. Permanent if you fail.
4. Blind for 1d6 rounds.
5. Can only move limbs at right angles for 1d6 rounds. -8 to Attack and Defense. -4 to Dexterity and Movement.
6. Spell targets you (if harmful) or an enemy (if helpful) or fizzles (if neutral).

Geometer Wizard Dooms
1. Become two dimensional for 24 hours. Triple all damage received, but you can slide under doors. Beware of strong winds.
2. You become painfully magnetic for 1d6 days.
3. You are folded by the fundamental forces of nature. You vanish between time and space. In 1d6 hours, 1d6 Paradox Angels will arrive and scour the area for any trace of you.

OSR: How To Become A Hundredaire On DriveThruRPG

I've got 4 products up for sale on DriveThruRPG. In order of publication date, they are:

• Kidnap the Archpriest (Megapost) 
• Epochrypha: A Book of Speculative Ages (Megapost)
• Tomb of the Serpent Kings - Deluxe Print Edition (Megapost) 
• Magical Murder Mansion (Megapost)

Tomb of the Serpent Kings is a free PDF and an at-cost print on demand copy, so it doesn't really count. The Megaposts contain links to reviews, supplemental information, etc.

Anyway, people sometimes ask how the books are doing. Here's a look behind the curtain. I'm going to be as blunt and transparent as possible about sales figures. I think this kind of analysis is important. If you publish stuff, consider giving it a shot.

If you want to actually make money, read Cecil Howe/Swordpeddler's article How To Become A Godzillionaire On Drivethrurpg. The title of this article is a loving reference. Notable advice that I do not follow:

• I don't pay for ads.
• I don't use PPP for anything.
• I don't do sales or bundles. You want the thing? Pay for the thing. You want the thing cheaper? No thing for you!

I'm not in this for fat stacks of cash. Ideally, each book pays for its own costs and provides enough money to start work on the next project. In practice... well, you'll see. I'm mostly in it to make things exist. If you want my advice on writing and designing a book, check out this post.

Sales Per Month

Here's a breakdown of sales per book per month. Fairly useless at this point, except to show that sales usually start high and drop off, with an intermittent spike. More on that spike later.

Since the Tomb of the Serpent Kings free PDF massively skews everything, I'm going to leave it off for all future charts.

Cumulative Sales Per Month

Ah, that's better. Flat line = few sales, steep line = increase in sales.

For ease of use, here's the charts split out by Print and PDF. It's sort of amazing that there are only 21 print copies of Kidnap the Archpriest out in the wild, and only 38 copies of all books (not counting Tomb of the Serpent Kings).

Total Cumulative Sales Per Month (with comments)

Here's the most interesting chart. With print+PDF sales combined some trends become clear. I've added a little star whenever a Questing Beast review came out; there's a spike in sales, but it almost immediately returns to normal.

Cents per word is estimated. The total, across all paid books, is ~6.5 cents a word.

You can compare rates per word to the rates on this site, and note that those rates don't include image editing, layout, and locating editors, artists, etc. If you factor in time (or blogging) you'd probably be better off (financially) sticking a magnet on a pole and going through storm drains for loose change.

Book-Specific Notes

Kidnap the Archpriest
The bestseller by far, but why? It fills a niche. 5E's attempt at a heist... isn't; Kidnap the Archpriest does a much better job, and seems to get regularly brought up whenever heists are under discussion. The art also helps. Let's face it, Luka would be worth hiring for an RPG project even if his art was photocopies of old publicity stills with black marker moustaches because he's Got Reach. Luckily for everyone, his art is amazing. The sneering Archpriest on the cover is probably responsible for 50% of all sales.

Epochrypha
This was a passion project. It didn't exist and I wanted it to exist; making money was incidental. Two contributors (Dan D and Dunkey Halton) were paid up front for their work. This is why you never take a percentage of the profits unless you're absolutely certain the book will make a profit; if they'd cut a royalty deal they'd still (14 months after release!) be waiting to make the rate they were paid up front.

Tomb of the Serpent Kings
There are still revisions I'd like to make if we ever do a new version, but I think it's a solid book as-is. It's certainly my most famous work. Like Kidnap the Archpriest, it fills a niche. I'm not sure how many downloads go through the Megapost vs. DriveThruRPG, but it's still fairly successful: 4,100 PDF downloads and 141 print copies.

Magical Murder Mansion
Costs for this book were lower than expected thanks to the generosity of the artist (gooooo Frenden!), but playtesting and writing time was much higher than expected. The whole thing was revised several times before ever it ever saw an editor. It's the most tested module I've produced to date. While I think MMM fills a niche (a modernized and easy-to-run funhouse dungeon), I suspect demand for that kind of dungeon is lower than expected. Either that, or the book just hasn't found a following yet. I suspect the demise of G+ has made launching a new book much harder. Twitter and Discord are poor substitutes.

Reviews

Because DriveThruRPG doesn't allow external links, it's hard for a buyer to get a detailed sense of what a book contains. The Megaposts help, but only if the buyer searches for them. If you write a review, consider sticking some excerpts on DriveThruRPG.

	★★★★★	★★★★	★★★	★★	★	Reviews
Kidnap the Archpriest	17	1				6
Epochrypha	3					1
Tomb of the Serpent Kings	26	6	1		2	5
Magical Murder Mansion	3

Tomb of the Serpent Kings has the highest number of reviews and ratings by far. If I had to guess, it's because of the negative reviews. If people really like a product and see it's rated 5 stars, they might not bother to add a rating. But if people really like a product and see it's got a few 1 star reviews they disagree with, they might rate it highly "to balance things out". Who knows.

Conclusions

When it's charted out like this, it's clear how small this side of the industry really is. Kidnap the Archpriest is a gold bestseller. The other books are silver. Retweeting "pay authors" or "support indie publishers" is free; don't expect those people to turn up when the hat gets passed around.

It's also rather alarming that I've only made ~1,000 paid sales on DriveThruRPG.. and then managed to get 569 Kickstarter backers for a new project. That seems... not right somehow.

Anyway, hopefully the charts help. If you've got questions, ask away.

The Apocalypse of St. Johnny Cash

The Book of Revelations is weird. Everyone knows the Book of Revelations is weird. In traditional Christian bibles, it's tacked on at the end, after a series of very prosaic and practical letters. Presented without commentary or context, it's a baffling and frightening conclusion to a book.

"Apocalypse", these days, means "end of the world". It's the zombie apocalypse, there's a new apocalyptic movie staring John Cusack in the theater, etc. And through that lens, assisted by so-called prophecy scholars, the Book of Revelations is a book about how the world is going to end. It's a prediction of future doom. If you can interpret the cryptic references, the logic goes, you'll know how and when the world will end. Stay calm! Be brave! Wait for the signs!

But "Apocalypse" is also a genre. The word literally means "Revelation", an uncovering of previously concealed things.

Under the traditional view, Revelations matches Daniel and Ezekiel because the authors all saw the same thing and predicted the same events. Under a more literary view, Revelations matches Daniel and Ezekiel because the author read Daniel and Ezekiel and quotes them.

Apocrypals just finished their much-anticipated Book of Revelations episode. If you want more context on the When and Why of Revelations, check it out.

A Modern Apocalypse

For me, Apocalyptic literature needs to meet a few requirements:

• The author is part of a persecuted, poor, or displaced group. The are a have-not, someone society exploits instead of assisting.
• Things are not going well.
• The author receives or claims to have received a divine vision.
• They reveal or uncover this vision to comfort the persecuted group.
• In coded language (to avoid further persecution or to convey specific idea) the author says:
• Everything is going to turn out well.
• The people persecuting us will fall.
• This current injustice will come to an end.
• There a better world on the way.

All the rest is more-or-less set dressing. Quotes from existing apocalyptic literature help, but are not required.

What modern media meets these requirements?

Ndidi's How Long gets close, but offers few predictions, Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech, particularly the first section (the part that rarely gets quoted), is another strong contender. But the only completely unambiguous example that springs to mind is Johnny Cash's The Man Comes Around.

Lyrics below from genius.com. The linked site has annotations for most of the biblical references.

And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder. One of the four beasts saying, "Come and see." And I saw, and behold a white horse.

There's a man going around taking names

And he decides who to free and who to blame

Everybody won't be treated all the same

There'll be a golden ladder reaching down

When the man comes around

The hairs on your arm will stand up

At the terror in each sip and in each sup

Will you partake of that last offered cup

Or disappear into the potter's ground

When the man comes around

Hear the trumpets, hear the pipers

One hundred million angels singing

Multitudes are marching to the big kettledrum

Voices calling, voices crying

Some are born and some are dying

It's alpha and omega's kingdom come

And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree

The virgins are all trimming their wicks

The whirlwind is in the thorn tree

It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks

Till Armageddon no salam, no shalom

Then the father hen will call his chickens home

The wise man will bow down before the throne

And at his feet they'll cast their golden crowns

When the man comes around

Whoever is unjust let him be unjust still

Whoever is righteous let him be righteous still

Whoever is filthy let him be filthy still

Listen to the words long written down

When the man comes around

Hear the trumpets hear the pipers

One hundred million angels singing

Multitudes are marching to the big kettledrum

Voices calling, voices crying

Some are born and some are dying

It's alpha and omega's kingdom come

And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree

The virgins are all trimming their wicks

The whirlwind is in the thorn tree

It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks

In measured hundred weight and penny pound

When the man comes around

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts. And I looked, and behold a pale horse, and his name that sat on him was Death, and hell followed with him.

Qualifications
I don't need to go into detail, but I think Johnny Cash's life qualifies him as an author of apocalyptic literature. He wasn't comfortable, and he didn't try to make other people comfortable. He spoke to help people. He punched up.

Divine Revelation

The initial idea for the song came from a dream I had seven years ago. I was in… England and had bought a book called “Dreaming of the Queen.” The book talked about… people… who dream that they are with Queen Elizabeth II. I dreamed that I walked into Buckingham Palace, and there she sat…. As I approached, [she] looked up at me and said, “Johnny Cash! You’re like a thorn tree in a whirlwind.” Then, of course, I awoke. I realized that “Thorn tree in a whirlwind” sounded familiar to me. Eventually I decided that it was biblical, and I found it in the book of Job. From there it grew into a song, and I started lifting things from the book of Revelation. It became “The Man Comes Around.” 

-Liner notes, American IV (2002)

Johnny Cash dreamed that a monarch - probably the only living monarch he could name - appeared to him in a dream and spoke a cryptic phrase. That's unambiguously a vision of some sort.

Symbolism and Coded Language
The whole song uses coded references to biblical literature. I'm not going to list them all; this site does a decent job. If Cash's references are a little dodgy in places, so are Revelation's: see Gog and Magog.

Obscure Terms
We have no idea why the author of Revelations felt the need to describe the width of New Jerusalem's walls or the exact materials that make up its 12 gates. Is there some obscure symbolism at work? Did the author really like precious stones? It is just meant to show the overwhelming wealth and power of God? We just don't know.

EDIT: And so it is written: You cannot have a meaningful apocalypse if strict distance measurements are not kept.

In The Man Comes Around, there's a line, "Multitudes are marching to the big kettledrum." This is, I believe, a reference not to Revelations but to the Salvation Army, specifically the marches and processions that famously use a kettle drum. A common sight when Cash wrote the song, and a comprehensible reference today, but imagine a scholar a thousand years from now picking through fragments of early 21st century religious literature. They stumble across The Man Comes Around and decide to translate it into Reformed Esperanto. All the words make sense until they get to "kettle drum".

What's a "kettle drum"? Kettle makes sense; it's a device for boiling water. Drum makes sense, it's a musical instrument. So is a kettle drum some sort of electric musical instrument? Or is the compound word, like skyscraper, an oblique reference to the properties of an object. And why would the multitudes be marching to the object? Is it a gathering place? An idol? A temple?

The translator rewrites the line (in Reformed Esperanto), as, "Many people are marching towards a concert hall."

The translator gets to "Till Armageddon no salam, no shalom", and (unfamiliar with the two languages quoted), decides it's an editorial error in the original text, a duplicated fragment. The line is translated as "There will be no salami [a preserved meat product] until Armageddon."

For the next six hundred years, religious doctrine points to this line as the reason preserved meat products are forbidden.

And if you think that's ridiculous, you haven't spent enough time digging into translation issues.