OSR: Liches and Immortality

Liches aren't really a category in my games. They're an end result, but a mythological one, and a fairly rare bit of mythology at that. They wouldn't be included in a medieval bestiary. They might be included as the protagonist or antagonist of an ancient translated epic.

Becoming a lich is difficult but not impossible. You need to breed 8 specialized spells and graft them onto your soul. After the death of the body, a typical soul retains only a few fragments of its former life; a memory, a desire, a pattern. If you want to become a lich, you need to actively remember your entire life, storing every memory, every reaction, and every desire. It's like writing an autobiography, except, once written, it becomes the whole truth. Lichdom will carve away anything you forgot to include.

The temptation is to carve away some unnecessary bits. Why bother packing your animal urges? What about fear, or loneliness, or self-doubt, or any of the thousand other poisons of the mind? This might not even be a conscious process; who would willingly retain something so distasteful?

But the mind is a complex instrument. Remove one part, and the rest may shatter into madness. Most liches are eccentric and detached, but some wake to find themselves trapped in a living nightmare. Some manage to re-learn the vital tools they eagerly discarded. Most lie entombed in their own bodies, gibbering or twitching, immortal and utterly alone.

Lich vs Firk, Alex Brock

That is not the only path to insanity. A newly risen lich sees the world without the filter of mortality.

Imagine an electric motor turning a gear at 200 rpm. There's a little red arrow on the gear that flies by in a blur. The gear is connected to a larger gear that turns 50 times slower (4 rpm). The little red arrow on that gear spins around and around, but in a manageable, sensible way. And that gear is connected to another 50 times larger gear that turns close to 5 times per hour.

Keep adding gears, 12 in total. The final gear will rotate once every two trillion years. You could embed it in concrete. So while one end of your machine is spinning and buzzing, the other end is completely still, and it always will be... from our point of view.

But when you're immortal, you can see the other gears, and you can see them turn too. That's the benefit of lichdom. Time. All the time you'll ever need, and more.

The 8 spells let the lich adjust the focus on their binoculars, seeing the little fast gears now, and then refocusing to see the big slow gears. The binoculars go all the way forward and all the way back. They can see how a mountain range is going to wear and how it got there at the same time, like watching a soap bubble burst. Deep time is almost impossible to comprehend if all you can see is the little gear. For a lich, deep time is their time.

Delay?" he cried. "Have you seen the world outside this ship? It's a wasteland, a desert. Civilization's been and gone, man. There are no lemon-soaked paper napkins on the way from anywhere." 

"The statistical likelihood," continued the autopilot primly, "is that other civilizations will arise. There will one day be lemon-soaked paper napkins. Till then there will be a short delay. Please return to your seat."

-The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Douglas Adams

Priests, BluntieDK

The Project

You need a goal if you want to live forever. Many would-be immortals discover, once they can see deep time, that their original goal were utterly pointless. Only the most gargantuan projects have a chance at succeeding. You can afford to get every detail right. You can afford to take your time. Study laquerwork to paint the control knobs. Breed a race of slave minions to harvest their hair to upholster your cushions.

And then you discover plate tectonics. Turns out you built the Large Hex Collider on a fault line. It's going to crack in half in a few decades. Better start over somewhere else (and leave behind a suitably impressive dungeon).

There will be interference, of course. Delays. Rot. The rise of a city is like a fungal growth on a painting; discovering a group of would-be tomb robbers is like discovering ants in your basement. People are a problem. Interference is a problem. It would be so much simpler if they would all just... go away.

And that is why liches sometimes want to kill everyone. Peace and quiet.

The Risks

The Authority's law is very clear. You cannot cheat death or allow others to cheat death. People were made to be mortal, and immortality in the flesh is forbidden. Any lich can expect to be cast into hell upon final death. Demons can't tempt them into further sin, but they will wait patiently to ensure the lich's soul does not escape or try some new trick, from phylacteries to reincarnation, to survive. They do not always succeed. Liches are very cunning.

Curiously enough, necromancers who only speak with spirits are fine. The law says nothing about asking questions of the dead - whether it's to saints or the damned. Very few necromancers are content to act merely as seers.

Legio Caesarus, Eyardt

6 Liches

1. Xiximanter
Race: Snake-Man
Goal: An immortal empire of snake-men, imperishable, ruling until the end of time.
Current Project: Distilling immortality potions.
Current Problem: The snake-man empire collapsed centuries ago. Snake-men are extinct. Also, his failed experiments keep escaping.

2. Scobalbane the Tyrant of Belth
Race: Human
Goal: The perfect society.
Current Project: Designing plumbing.
Current Problem: Excavating perfectly obedient simulacra-golems have accidentally tunneled into a dwarven city. Molten lead everywhere. Tyrant has written proclamations declaring dwarves illegal; no effect.

3. Lobal Oath-Breaker
Race: Beetle-ling
Goal: Epic revenge for his own death.
Current Project: Working on a vast autobiographical exhibit, with all details perfect, to show off his own life, the lives of his murderers.
Current Problem: Some of the initial test groups kidnapped and shown his exhibit were not sufficiently awed. Further testing required.

4. The Maiden in White
Race: Something extinct. Primordial vampire?
Goal: The perfect suitor. Romances last from a few minutes to a few days. Has a palace built into a glacier.
Current Project: Seducing the moon.
Current Problem: Tide is rising.

5. Multiplex Maximus the Fabricator
Race: Hardly matters now.
Goal: Perfect capability.
Current Project: Designing and grafting on specialized limbs for carving stone.
Current Problem: Has lost track of which section of his giant segmented body has the limbs for writing and illustration; trying to find the section that has the index. Multiplex Maximus is a very big lich. Adapt this.

6. Ur the City-Builder
Race: Human
Goal: Lead a rebellion out of Hell, seeking better terms from the Authority.
Current Project: Sending infiltrators into Hell, turning demons, identifying potential leaders, building better bodies for souls.
Current Problem: Demons are starting to grow suspicious; Ur needs a diversion.

OSR: Necromancers

Vaguely based on Arnold K's Necromancer, but heavily adapted.

Necromancers are outlawed and outcast wizards. Their profession is a curse; their very name a byword for unholy acts and blasphemous deeds. Yet the necromancers persist on the fringes of society. They provide a relatively safe channel between the living and the dead, and someone will always pay - one way or another - for information only the dead can provide. In Foreign Parts, the necromancer's art is celebrated and sometimes even revered. One of the standard list of charges brought against foreign kings and corrupt leaders is "consulting with necromancers."

Father and Daughter, Alexandre Chaudret

Perk: You can cause creatures you touch to reroll any Fatal Wounds they are trying to remove in a round. You can allow them to reroll failed tests or force them to reroll successful tests. If a creature  successfully removes a Fatal Wound because of the reroll you provided, it permanently loses 1 HP.

This perk is fairly valuable in a crisis, especially if magical healing is not available. It's a very good reason to be nice to the necromancer; if you're dying, they can save you... or make sure you don't recover.

Drawback: You require a ritual ingredient to cast your spells. The ingredient has a negligible cost (2cp) and is not consumed, but water, fire, or isolation could render you unable to cast spells. Roll on the Ritual Ingredient List below.

The drawback to this school could become an issue if the necromancer is searched or otherwise inconvenienced.

Cantrips
1. You can call on the spirit of a recently dead creature by interrogating its body. Provided the creature died before dawn, and it wasn't particularly pious or exceptionally blasphemous, it will answer 3 of your questions. At dawn, the spirit departs. The dead are rarely coherent or helpful. Answers may be cryptic. If the creature had 3 or more HD, everyone present can see and hear the spirit. Otherwise, only you can see it.
2. You can ritually protect a corpse against possession by unwelcome spirits. Alternatively, you can deliberately invite spirits to possess a corpse. The ritual takes 10 minutes. The most dangerous time is between death and dawn; after that, the corpse becomes less appealing to wandering spirits.
3. You can permanently lose 1 HP to add 1 MD to a spell you are casting. You can only lose 1 HP per spell.

Necromancer cantrips are very powerful but, in all 3 instances, potentially dangerous. Some spirits might stick around if they are casually called back to answer questions. Inviting spirits into a corpse is asking for trouble. And fueling your spells with your own HP makes lichdom very tempting.

10, Stepan Alekseev

Spell List

In this setting, spells are creatures. They're spirits that live in a wizard's brain and burst out, doing their duty and then taking a brief vacation. While most wizard schools breed spells specifically, necromancers might keep a cadre of ghosts. Some necromancers cast their own ancestors as spells; some trap escaped ghosts and wield them in a form of holy penance.

Many spells on this list require a bit of GM improvisation. The spells are much less straightforward than a traditional spell list. They are also dangerous to both the caster and their companion. Raise ye not up what ye cannot put down.

1. Raise Spirit
You automatically gain this spell at first level. Roll for your other spell normally.
R: touch T: spirit D: [sum] minutes  

After a ritual that takes 10 minutes, you call out to the spirit of a dead person. The spirit can be anyone, from long-dead kings to newly-murdered party members. You do not need the creature's body. This spell can only be cast between sunset and dawn. Roll 1d6 on the table below, modified by the following: 

Bonuses
+1 for each [die] invested in this spell
+1 if the spirit died within a week
+1 if the spirit has unfinished business in Creation
+1 if you know the spirit's true name
+4 if you personally knew the creature before it died 

Penalties
-1 for each of the creature's original HD
-1 if the spirit was a wizard
-1 if the spirit is angry or irritated with you
-2 if you have only a vague name or description
-4 if the spirit was a necromancer or had significant magical powers in life
Other bonuses and penalties at the GM's discretion. The stronger the soul, the more dangerous the summon. 

Raise Spirit Result

0 or negative: The spirit is raised, but lashes out in anger and annoyance. You take 2d6 damage. If this damage reduces you to zero HP, you are dragged straight to the afterlife (no Save). Alternatively, the spirit casts Fatal Doom (see below) on you.
1. The spirit is raised, but it cannot be put down. If there is a corpse nearby the spirit will possess it. Otherwise, it will act as a disembodied undead of appropriate HD.
2. The wrong spirit is raised. It may be more or less useful than the intended spirit.
3. The spirit is raised, but its answers are mocking and cruel.
4. The spirit is raised and answers your questions truthfully.
5. The spirit is raised and also provides a useful answer to a question you did not ask.
6. The spirit is raised and remains for 1d6 additional minutes.
7 or higher. The spirit is raised, and can be given one command (as per the Command Undead spell below.)

Raise Spirit is the necromancer's signature spell. It's deceptively simple. Want to figure out who built this temple? Call up the temple builder and interrogate them for a few minutes. Want to find out who killed the king? Call up the king and ask him! What could possibly go wrong? Yes, you can use this spell to bypass many obstacles, but the risks are very high. Think of it like an improvised teleport spell. 

2. Explode Corpse
R: 50' T: corpse D: 0
Target corpse explodes, dealing damage in a [dice]x5' radius, Save vs Dexterity for half. The maximum damage dealt is dependent on the creature's size:
Rat: 1
Dog: 1d6
Human: 2d6
Cow: 3d6
Elephant: 6d6
Whale: 8d6
This spell cannot target undead creatures unless you control them.

This is the only direct damage spell available to the necromancer, and it's pretty good. Send zombies shambling towards your enemies and then detonate them. It's no fireball, but it is a nasty surprise, and adventurers are rarely short on corpses.

3. Death Mask
R: touch T: humanoid corpse D: varies
You touch a corpse and the face peels off like a mask. The rest of the corpse shrivels up and flakes into dust. When you (and only you) wear the mask, you will look and sound like the person whose face you're wearing, but only to sentient people (no effect on animals, spirits, or elementals). The mask will rot into uselessness after [sum] days. If [dice] is at least 4, the mask is permanent.

A useful spell at low levels. Half-thief half-necromancer is a decent build. This spell is sure to come in more useful if the necromancer reaches lichdom.

4. Fear
R: 50' T: creatures up to [sum] HD D: 0
Target creatures must Save vs Fear or take a morale check, or flee from you. If you cast this spell with 4 [dice], creatures unused to supernatural occurrences (peasants, domesticated dogs, etc.) must also Save or age 2d10 years.

A good solid crowd control effect, but also a great way to properly intimidate lesser wizards.

5. Rot
R: touch T: creature or object D: 0
Creatures take 2x[dice] damage, Save for half. Creatures also age 2d10 years (no mechanical effect), and may develop grey hair, shakes, and wrinkles. Objects are aged according to how many [dice] are invested. Books sprout into mold, wood becomes soggy, lamps run out of fuel and grow cold, and stone is entirely unaffected. 1 [die]: [sum] days. 2 [dice]: [sum] months. 3 [dice] or more: [sum] years. Undead are healed for [sum]+[dice] HP, or 1 permanent HP is restored (to the former maximum).

The main effect of this spell is the healing portion. Bolstering undead is very useful, especially if the undead is you.

6. Raise Undead
R: 20' T: [dice]x2 HD corpse D: 2 hours
Target is raised as a specific type of undead that is obedient to the caster. The creature is animated by a specially developed spell or an obedient ghost. When the spell’s duration ends, the undead may collapse, and cannot be raised again or used for any further spells.

The type of undead raised depends on the target and the [dice] invested.
1 [die] : 1-2 HD creature : corpse snake, crawling claw, skeleton, zombie

2 [dice] : 1-4 HD creature : wight

3 [dice] : 1-6 HD creature : war spirit, mummy
4 [dice] : 1-8 HD creature : something impressively terrifying

Undead typically have reduced stats compared to their living form. Undead of 5 HD or less are nearly mindless. If you die while undead are under your control, the spell's duration expires, or you try to end the spell, there is a [HD]-in-10 chance the undead remains active. Otherwise, it collapses.

Instead of letting the spell expire, you can keep the [dice] you spent on the spell invested. The spell's duration becomes permanent as long as those [dice] remain invested. Alternatively, if you spend 4 [dice] to raise a 1 or 2 HD creature, the spell's duration becomes permanent and no [dice] need to be invested. Creatures may retain some special abilities they had in life.

Raising zombie servants is great. Stitching corpses together to make new creatures to unleash on your enemies is great. But raise not up what you cannot put down. An obedient mummy servant is fantastic; a rogue mummy servant is very dangerous.

7. Innocent Revenant
R: Touch T: corpse D: 0
A creature of [dice] HD or less that died in the last 3 turns immediately returns as an undead version of itself with full HP. The HD requirement is ignored if the target is well known to you (a fellow PC, for example). This revenant can never gain HP, and loses 1 HP, and 1 point of Int and Wisdom to a minimum of 5, every hour until it reaches 0 HP and disintegrates. This HP loss can be healed by the Rot spell or other effects that heal undead creatures. The revenant is unaware that it ever died, even ignoring obvious signs of death (no heartbeat, cold flesh, gaping wounds). However, if someone else insists on confronting them with evidence of their own death, they fly into a rage, becoming a mindless undead.

A necromancer can "accidentally" kill a friend using their class' Perk, then raise them as an Innocent Revenant, then heal them with Rot or control them with Command Undead.

8. Command Undead
R: 50' T: person D: [dice] hours
Target: 1 undead creature that can hear and understand you.
You shout a single-word command to your target, who must Save or obey. If the command lasts more than a single round, intelligent undead, or undead under the control of another necromancer, get a new Save at the beginning of each of their rounds. You can spend additional [dice] to increase the effects.
+1 MD: Affect +2 targets.
+1 MD: You may increase then length of your command by +2 words.
+1 MD: You may increase the duration between checks by +2 rounds.

A more specific version of command, but note the targets. Undead you control get one Save; after that, no matter their HD, they must obey.

9. Fog
R: 30’ T: self D: [dice] hours
You breath out a bunch of fog, filing an area [dice]x20' in radius. No one can see beyond 10' in the fog. Undead can see through the fog. If you invest 4 [dice], you can instead breath out a layer of thick grey-yellow clouds that block sunlight for the spell's duration, for 3 miles in every direction.

Undead don't do well in sunlight, and a few zombies can become very effective if their opponents can't see them.

10. Death Scythe
R: touch T: corpse D: [dice]x10 min The corpse disintegrates as you pluck a black scythe from its chest. The scythe deals 1d8+Strength Bonus damage. It deals double damage to creatures of the same type as the corpse used to create the scythe (so a scythe drawn from a troll's body would deal double damage to trolls).

This is a relatively high damage spell, but require the necromancer to wade into melee range.

Emblem Spells

11. Finger of Death
R: 50' T: creature D: 0
Target living creature must Save or die. Creatures with a significant magical nature gain a bonus equal to their HD. Frail mortal creatures may not get a Save. This spell requires 2 [dice] to cast against a creature of 5 HD or less, 3 [dice] for a creature between 6 and 8 HD, and 4 [dice] for creatures with more HD.

There's no bonus for using more [dice] to cast this spell, but it can straight-up kill some creatures instantly. Dragons and other powerful living creatures can shrug this spell off; most mortals can't.

12. Fatal Doom
R: 10' T: creature D: permament
You must invest 4 [dice] to cast this spell, and you also drop to 0 HP. You pronounce a Fatal Doom upon a living creature. The creature must have asked you for advice, in a non-casual capacity. They must have asked you what to do, where to go, how to overcome an enemy, or a glimpse into the future. Instead of calling on a spirit,  you read the future directly. You may describe (in one or two sentences, clear or cryptic) what will happen to the target, and how they will die. The Doom is inevitable and irreversible. The GM may alter details and circumstances, but if you say that the target will be hounded from his home by those he loves and devoured by wolves in the forest, that's how he's going to die - and soon. Nothing else will kill the target until the Fatal Doom has come to pass.

This is one of the most powerful spells a wizard can cast because it allows the caster to directly edit reality and set future events. The necromancer could doom a nation with a single spell. Of course, there's no protection from the consequences of a wrathful leader, especially one who has nothing to lose.

Cathar, Haylcon450

Mishaps
1. MD only return to your pool on a 1-2 for 24 hours
2. Take 1d6 damage
3. Random mutation for 1d6 rounds, then make a Save. Permanent if you fail.
4. Save vs Fear against the target of your spell. 1d6 rounds. Target is fully healed if undead.
5. 1d6 nearby corpses raise as zombies and attack you for 1d6 rounds.
6. You die. Save vs Intelligence every hour to find your way back to your body.

Doom of the Necromancer
1. You die and spend the next 1d6 days wandering Creation as a disembodied, feeble spirit. Your body will rot after 2 days unless it is preserved in some way: pickling, embalming, freezing, or desiccation. If you inhabit a rotting body, you become undead.
2. You become undead, permanently. If you were already undead, you instead lose 6 HP permanently.
3. By direct decree of the Authority, all corpses in 20 miles rise as zombies and skeletons and attempt to kill you. If you have been particularly notorious, they will be accompanied by 2 Bell Exorcists and a demon. Average: 3d20 skeletons, with 1d6 lieutenants, monsters, and commanders as appropriate. Anyone they kill joins them. They will pursue you to the ends of the earth.

This doom can be avoided by eating the heart of an immortal creature, or journeying into hell and make a bargain to serve the Authority, or becoming a Lich.

Dude, Bogdan Rezunenko

Becoming a Lich
You need to breed and research 8 specific spells. The spells don't do anything alone, but they modify your soul to withstand the terrors of undeath with your mind intact. You are essentially breeding and then grafting spells onto your soul.

Since no active liches will teach you the spells they used, and records of spell development are fragmentary at best, each lich must forge their own path. Some succeed; many fail, and fade away into half-mad shadows or disappear screaming into Hell. Other liches become trapped in living worlds of madness and memory, unable to accept their new form or the the changing times. History is full of Immortal Tyrants; they never quite manage to rule the empires they desire.


Ritual Ingredient List
1. Salt
2. Ash
3. A clay bottle
4. A round blue stone
5. A piece of carved and polished bone
6. A grey metal bell with no clapper
7. A twig with three forks and one dead leaf
8. The front leg of a cat
9. A dried frog in a pouch
10. Powdered teeth

OSR: 1d20 Things to Loot from the Hardware Store

I've been spending a lot of time in hardware stores recently. The whole place looks like a rich emperor's tomb, full of treasure, strange items, and curious symbols. If your PCs find loot, consider turning to the nearest hardware store flyer instead of the usual appendix. After all, you were going to bin it anyway...

Theme music. Each item below is worth 50gp, give or take.

1. The Immortal Tree
Made of something like hair or resin. 10' high, glows like the northern lights but without any heat or sound. Will never age or fade, but produces no seeds.

2. The Anti-Elemental Ray
A bulbous mechanical end piece attached to a long, cannon-like snout. There's a bright red trigger. If pulled, it makes a high-pitched noise and air whips around near the end of the cannon's snout. It can pick up small objects (they vanish), but it utterly terrifies air, water, and fire elementals. They will flee from the ray if possible. Range is only 2', but the snout is 5' long.

3. Mindless Turtle
Some sort of automaton the size of a plate. It slides around, bumping into things and whistling. It would make a fine distraction but a lousy pet. It will sense and avoid pressure plates and pit traps, but it takes 10 minutes per 10'x10' square, and it sometimes misses squares.

4. Fantastic Cooking Pots
Lighter, cleaner, and sturdier than anything you've seen. They have a coating that makes them very easy to clean. The pots are worth twice their market value if a demonstration is performed.

5. Box of Jewelry
An entire array of dozens of little hexagonal L-shaped pieces of silver metal. They must have been used as jewelry or ritual items, or possible musical instruments. There are dull black ones in different cases, but the silver ones are the most pleasant to look at.

6. Dense Oil
A jug of pale yellow oil. It won't burn or smoke if heated. It's very slippery. The oil isn't horrifically, instantly poisonous, but it clearly doesn't taste like cooking oil. There's enough oil in one bright yellow jug to coat 20 10x10' squares completely.

7. Dark Mirror
A large horizontal mirror, wider than it is tall. It reflects light dimly. There are small symbols on the side, but they don't seem to do anything. It might be a portal to another dimension. The mirror is very large and much finer than hammered copper or polished steel mirrors.

8. Set of Daggers
Ten small daggers, five large daggers of varying sizes, and a wavy ritual dagger. All are sharp and bright. The daggers deal 1d6 damage but never require sharpening. They are also clearly exotic and will impress anyone interested in arms and armour.

9. Boxed Lightning
A palm-sized black box with a white lightning bolt on one side. Two thin ropes made of some smooth material come from one side, ending in metal prongs. Anyone touching or touched by both prongs takes 1d6 lightning damage. The box can be built into a weapon or a trap easily. It can discharge 4 times per day, and automatically recharges if left unused for 12 hours.

10. Tube of Jeweled Balls
A clear glass tube the size of a small barrel, full of red, white, and gold balls the size of plums. They are made of some very light metal. They are hollow, and could contain a potion or a drink, but they are now empty. The items are beautiful. There are 30 balls in each tube.

11. Hole-Borer
A blue handle with a trigger, connected to a 5" wide serrated tub or bowl. If the trigger is pressed, the serrated tub spins. It can drill a hole through stone, steel, or wood with equal ease, but only 1' deep at a time.

12. Tiny Poison Vials
There doesn't seem to be any use for these things. They are tiny metal tubes, 20 to a packet, full of bitter and mildly corrosive liquid. The poison is not deadly, but it does cause 1 damage and require anyone ingesting it to Save vs. Constitution or vomit. Alchemists will pay double market rates for these vials.

13. 50' of Hollow Rope
This bright green rope is hard to tie, but it is very strong, and it is hollow. You could use it as a siphon, or pass a smaller line down an existing rope. It can be cut with any weapon, but it takes 2 rounds of strenuous activity.

14. Confusing Goggles
These goggles are clearly meant to be worn, but they are uncomfortable and seem to shift perspective. Any illusions viewed through the goggles appear flat and unconvincing, like paper cutouts. Every hours, someone continuously wearing the goggles must Save or take 1 temporary Wisdom damage (in the form of a headache).

15. Mysterious Salt
A huge bag of blue salt. It tingles and tastes exotic. Anyone who eats the salt for a month must Save vs Constitution or permanently lose 2 HP.

16. False Wood
Large planks, 8' long and 4" wide, of grey wood... except it's not wood. It only looks like it. The core is some sort of dust. The planks would make a very exotic floor or wall covering for a palace. They can also be used to frighten dryads or other plant-based creatures. They must make a Morale check when the plank is first presented, and cannot approach within 20' if the check is failed.

17. Heated Coat
A thick, very warm coat with a symbol above the heart. The coat heats itself to a slightly-warmer-than-comfortable temperature, but it does so in any weather. Anyone wearing the coat gains a +4 bonus to any checks against frostbite or cold, and may automatically pass some tests.

18. The Round Sword
A strange weapon, perhaps designed for gladiators or berserkers. A sharp circular blade attached to a handle. The weapon deals 2d6 damage on a hit, but on a critical failure, it automatically deals 2d6 damage to the wielder. Leather armour provides no bonus against this weapon, but it cannot deal any damage to someone in chainmail, plate, or dense fibrous cloth (it clogs the blade).

19. White Paste Bombs
Paper tubes with metal tips, filled with foul-smelling white goop. The goop hardens into a rubber-like paste in 2 hours. The paste can be cut, but it cannot be burned or washed away with water. It can clog locks, ruin clothes, or distress animals. The tube can be thrown and bursts on impact.

20. Distance Detector
A small box that fires a red beam of light from one side when a button is pressed. The box then displays the distance (in runes, but it is easy to translate the runes into sensible units like rods and cubits). The maximum range is 500'. If the box is placed against a wall and slowly moved across, it has a 1-in-6 chance of detecting a hollow space or secret door.

OSR: 2x20 Answers to 2x20 Quick Questions For Your Campaign

Attack of the Undead, Don Greer & Rob Stern

Part 1

Jeff Rients has, very famously, written 20 quick questions for your campaign, and they are very useful. Here are my answers.

1. What is the deal with my cleric's religion?

No clerics in my setting. But if you are religious, you probably worship the Authority via Generic Fantasy Catholicism.

2. Where can we go to buy standard equipment?

The nearest village will get you some very basic equipment, but you're going to need to head to a city to get anything fancy. There's no "standard" equipment for adventuring because adventuring is not a standard thing, but you can repurpose military gear, farming equipment, and other tools.

3. Where can we go to get platemail custom fitted for this monster I just befriended?

Oh jeeze. Is this a "Hi, my name is Daryl" kind of monster or a "RAUGHGHABLARGH" kind of monster? In either case... well, it's not so simple. You're probably going to need to buy some plate armour, at least 2 sets, and some horse barding, and then get a really discreet out-of-work armorer to put it together. Or convince a noble it's a good idea and get him to help by commanding some armourers to do it. It's not an issue of money in either case.

4. Who is the mightiest wizard in the land?

Probably the Chancellor of the College of Elderstone, but he's a bit eccentric.

5. Who is the greatest warrior in the land?

The King! Or possibly the Count of Pellamy. He's very chivalrous.

6. Who is the richest person in the land?

Also the King!

7. Where can we go to get some magical healing?

You're not sure. Magical healing is a very rare and very precious thing. Try seeking out weird old crones, broke wizards, and priests. There's a decent chance it won't work, or that the side effects will be undesirable.

8. Where can we go to get cures for the following conditions: poison, disease, curse, level drain, lycanthropy, polymorph, alignment change, death, undeath?

Poison: maybe a local crone, broke wizard, or monastery.
Disease: chances are good you're screwed. Disease is not well understood. There are apothecaries and barber-surgeons, but you're not going to get a cure easily.
Curse: priests, maybe? or local crones, experimental wizards, or other powerful creatures.|
Lycanthropy: definitely not a curable thing. You don't even know it is a thing, or a disease/curse.
Polymorph: ditto.
Alignment Change: I don't use alignments.
Death: permanent, probably. You'd need a miracle.Undeath: ditto.

9. Is there a magic guild my MU belongs to or that I can join in order to get more spells?

You might belong to a College and need to pay off Wizard Student Loans.

10. Where can I find an alchemist, sage or other expert NPC?

Cities or monasteries, most likely, or the courts of nobles.

11. Where can I hire mercenaries?

Near the War, or in cities. Just follow the smoke. They might be more trouble than they are worth. If you pay your taxes, you could get soldiers for nearly free.

12. Is there any place on the map where swords are illegal, magic is outlawed or any other notable hassles from Johnny Law?

The law varies from place to place and, more importantly, from Estate to Estate. If you're a peasant, you might get in trouble for having a sword or riding on a horse. Get a noble; use them as your excuse. There is no law to hassle you directly, but there are lots of nobles, and lots of people interested in maintaining the status quo.

13. Which way to the nearest tavern?

West.

14. What monsters are terrorizing the countryside sufficiently that if I kill them I will become famous?

The countryside is fairly civilized. Wolves and druids are major problems. Most likely the major threats will be things the PCs unearth and let loose, or regular people.

15. Are there any wars brewing I could go fight?

So many. Which one do  you want? 

16. How about gladiatorial arenas complete with hard-won glory and fabulous cash prizes?

Tournaments are your best bet, but you need to be a noble or impersonate one. Even then, the cash prizes pale in comparison to dungeon-looting or highway robbery.

17. Are there any secret societies with sinister agendas I could join and/or fight?

Yes, but they are secret. You might start in one if you're a Summoner, but otherwise, you're going to have to stumble across them  during play. About 80% of them are just religious heretics.

18. What is there to eat around here?

Depends on what you have to spend. Carrots, bread, light beer, eggs, fish. Chicken, pork, mutton.

19. Any legendary lost treasures I could be looking for?

Yup, but unless the game starts with one of those as the main goal, it's probably not relevant. The legendary sword of King Bothbert, the Chalice of Victory, the Tripartite Crown of the Last Emperor of Thule, etc.

20. Where is the nearest dragon or other monster with Type H treasure?

There's a dragon in the mountains, but she owns the bank, so that's probably not a good idea.

Dark Souls/Studio Ghibli, Kyle Fewell

Part 2

In response, back in the day, Scrap Princess wrote another set of 20 quick questions for your campaign. They are... uniquely useful.

1. Is there weaponized Squid?

Probably, in Foreign Parts.

Can I start with one?

Probably not.

How much are they?

In a port city, if you knew about them and asked around, like 2,000gp. As much as a really fancy horse.

Can I have one as a pet/horse/best friend?

Fairly speculative, given that you haven't even got one yet, and I don't know what your standards of friendship are.

Can I play one?

If you want I'll add Squidlings to the Table of Races and you can roll for it.

Can I dual wield them?

Not unless you're really strong.

2. Is there undead robots?

Yes. Sort of. Do Dryads count? Does enchanted armour count? Otherwise no.

Follow up questions involve the nature of consciousness and the existence of the soul in your campaign and can I play one?

The soul runs the body and not the other way around. Souls can stick around and possess dead bodies, trees, living people, or just float about. You cannot start as an undead robot. There's a non-zero chance you'll end up as something just as weird.

or have one as a pet or a gun that shoots them?

Again, you can't start with one, but I've seen weirder stuff get looted or weaponized by the PCs.

3. Do Icebergs walk across the land ?

Yes. Ice Elementals sometimes get really pissed off and decide to squish a coastal village or a rock that annoyed them. This is fairly unusual Around Here but might be common in Foreign Parts. Ever seen a glacier hustle?

can I be from one?

From an iceberg? No.

Is godzilla frozen in one?

Maybe? Ask the ice.

Can I play a godzilla?

Abso-fucking-lutely, in the right game.

4. What do birds know?

All kinds of stuff. Owls are dumb as rocks though; don't ask owls. Ask crows instead. Sparrows and all the other little brown birds are just one kind of bird that shapechanges.

5. Does medicine work like it does here but no-one knows CPR or does it work like a cartoon so I cure amnesia with more head injurys or does it work like medieval euro people thought it did with demons in your teeth?

The last one, mostly because it sometimes is demons in your teeth (ok, probably not demons, but spare spells, ancestors, ghosts, etc.) Medicine is sometimes about stopping all the blood from escaping and sometimes about convincing the soul it should stick around. It's hideously ineffective. People are either fine, lumpy, or dead.

Do I start with demons in my teeth?

Are you asking if your character has a toothache? Do you want me to roll for it, because this seems like of of those things you get to decide.

Do I know CPR? Can I invent CPR?

No to both.

Can I give myself powers with additionally organs?

Yes.

What planet is in ascension in my spleen midmorning?

Felwent, the Star of Harmony. Promotes happy digestion. Be kind to cats today. This advice costs you 5 copper pieces.

6. I want to play a hobbit but really I'm the fleas controlling the hobbit. Where is that in the book?

No book, just a stack of paper. Also, no hobbits. 

Could I take over a new guy with my fleas? Or another players guy?

Look, being a cloud of body-riding fleas seems like a thing that happens to you, not a thing you start as.

7. How much could I rent my body out to spirits before I lost control of my character?

A surprising amount.

What are the names of the spirits?

You don't get to know that out of game. I mean, why?

Are they cool?

Super cool. You just need to let them stick onto your soul like barnacles.

8.What level do I have to get my character to before I am the g.m?

That's... not how leveling works. You can start your own game whenever you are ready. 

Can I half be the g.m at an early level?

You always have a say in the story and the world.

What about when you leave the room?

GM-ness doesn't reside with my body or something. It's in our collective brainspace, and that stays.

9. What is the dumbest thing I can spend my money on?

Damp old straw.

no dumber than that but cool. Like a pet with a pet with a weapon?

Well, I've got a player who purchased a falcon from a discount falcon shop. It had wizard things done to it and now it shoots lasers from its eyes. It's very dangerous, almost completely useless, but kind of cool.

Can pets dual wield?

Depends on the pet?

10. How ugly can my guy be? 

Real ugly. 

Like Can I basically be a walking fish?

Yes. The worst is probably the flyling - they're all bristles and proboscis and feelers.

No wait I wanna be a walking fish. What is the reverse scuba technology like in this world?

It's called "fishlings can breathe air just fine, if they've been out of the water long enough."

11.The lamp oil? Is that like cooking oil, kerosene, white spirits or napalm?

The cheap stuff is olive oil. The good stuff is like napalm. The really cheap stuff is like runny butter.

How much can I buy of it?

Barrels and barrels of the cheap stuff. At least a few flasks of the good stuff.

12. How does physics work in this world?

You have no idea.

What makes the planets stay up? Are there planets?

Again, you probably have no idea, but if you roll up an astrologer you can make some stuff up.

Is it elves? Can I play an elf from another planet?

Elves from around here are plenty weird.

Does everything work like how we though it did in the past?

Sort of? Maybe? Probably not. 

Can I discover stuff and pass it off as a magic?

How are you going to pass it off as magic if you think it is magic? Are asbestos blankets magic? Is coal magic? 

Is possible to use the scientific process to organise the concepts of magic?

Sure. Make sure you're using good medieval pseudoscience.

13. Can I start with weapon hands?

Probably not. Maybe a hook?

What about crab claws? Can I play a crab with human hands?

Sure, crab-lings are a thing, and if you roll one you get to decide how they look.

Can I have one as a pet?

That's called slavery.

Do they live on a different planet? Can we go there?

Nope. Probably not, at least. Only one planet. No planes, no hells, no special dimensions.

14. What cultures approve of cannibalism?

People in Foreign Parts. Sometimes, during sieges, it becomes a pious inevitability. 

What about if we are super rich?

You could probably get away with it for years, but society doesn't approve of it.

Aren't rich cannibals be default , I mean if you think about it? How is the class struggle here anyway?

There's no class conflict, unless you count intermittent peasant rebellions, robbing churches, etc, but the class divide is huge.

Is there a Karl Marx?

Nope. There are plenty of peasant revolutionaries though. It never ends well.

How receptive are people to the ideas of anarcho-syndicalism here?

"Isms" have yet to catch on.

15. Can my character not be real , but a hallucination of another character?

Probably not, but if you become a high enough level Illusionist, you can accidentally become an illusion.

But I still wanna be able to do stuff. What are the stats for that?

I haven't written them, but I will if it ever comes up.

16. Which is the rome but with lava fire country in this world?

Probably Hell.

What about the ice circus country? Can I have a pet from there?

Not sure, but possibly up north in Foreign Parts. They have all sorts of stuff up there, like little furry deer, and invisible bears, and fat water dogs.

17. Can I invent an insect?

Absolutely!

as a player like right now I tell you an insect and you put it in the game? Or as a character?

Possibly both. I mean, there are ant-lings and beetle-lings already. Unless you want to massively alter the rules, you can make up another kind of insect and be that -ling instead, provided you roll it on the table.

Can my spells be insects that then exist in this world after I cast them?

They are already like that, except more like ferrets, and they come back to live in your spellbook or head at the end of the day.

Can I play an insect who is actually a spell cast in this world? What about as a pet?

Probably not.

18. Is there reverse fire?

If there is, you don't know about it. Fire is its own thing.

What about reverse water or earth? What do they wear there?

Again, you don't know. Maybe alchemists and philosophers know. Go ask them and see.

19. How much money can I make inventing siege engines?

A lot of money, but since this is a game about tomb-robbing and getting rich by looting stuff, you might be better off weaponizing and selling stuff you find in the dungeon, like basilisks, or teleporting rods, or wand cannons. Plus selling siege engine inventing is a job, and a job doesn't earn you XP.

Can I play a siege engine?

Probably not.

In what ways are animals used in siege engines?

They tow them, and sometimes siege engines toss dead cows and sheep over the walls.

20.What is the most significant tree to the economy of the starting place?

Oak.

Is it really a tree or maidens stitched together?

Definitely a tree.

If I play a maiden do I get spells or do people that worship me get spells but only if I'm mad at them?

You get spells. You probably can't be a tree maiden though.