OSR: 2x20 Answers to 2x20 Quick Questions For Your Campaign

Attack of the Undead, Don Greer & Rob Stern

Part 1

Jeff Rients has, very famously, written 20 quick questions for your campaign, and they are very useful. Here are my answers.

1. What is the deal with my cleric's religion?

No clerics in my setting. But if you are religious, you probably worship the Authority via Generic Fantasy Catholicism.

2. Where can we go to buy standard equipment?

The nearest village will get you some very basic equipment, but you're going to need to head to a city to get anything fancy. There's no "standard" equipment for adventuring because adventuring is not a standard thing, but you can repurpose military gear, farming equipment, and other tools.

3. Where can we go to get platemail custom fitted for this monster I just befriended?

Oh jeeze. Is this a "Hi, my name is Daryl" kind of monster or a "RAUGHGHABLARGH" kind of monster? In either case... well, it's not so simple. You're probably going to need to buy some plate armour, at least 2 sets, and some horse barding, and then get a really discreet out-of-work armorer to put it together. Or convince a noble it's a good idea and get him to help by commanding some armourers to do it. It's not an issue of money in either case.

4. Who is the mightiest wizard in the land?

Probably the Chancellor of the College of Elderstone, but he's a bit eccentric.

5. Who is the greatest warrior in the land?

The King! Or possibly the Count of Pellamy. He's very chivalrous.

6. Who is the richest person in the land?

Also the King!

7. Where can we go to get some magical healing?

You're not sure. Magical healing is a very rare and very precious thing. Try seeking out weird old crones, broke wizards, and priests. There's a decent chance it won't work, or that the side effects will be undesirable.

8. Where can we go to get cures for the following conditions: poison, disease, curse, level drain, lycanthropy, polymorph, alignment change, death, undeath?

Poison: maybe a local crone, broke wizard, or monastery.
Disease: chances are good you're screwed. Disease is not well understood. There are apothecaries and barber-surgeons, but you're not going to get a cure easily.
Curse: priests, maybe? or local crones, experimental wizards, or other powerful creatures.|
Lycanthropy: definitely not a curable thing. You don't even know it is a thing, or a disease/curse.
Polymorph: ditto.
Alignment Change: I don't use alignments.
Death: permanent, probably. You'd need a miracle.
Undeath: ditto.

9. Is there a magic guild my MU belongs to or that I can join in order to get more spells?

You might belong to a College and need to pay off Wizard Student Loans.

10. Where can I find an alchemist, sage or other expert NPC?

Cities or monasteries, most likely, or the courts of nobles.

11. Where can I hire mercenaries?

Near the War, or in cities. Just follow the smoke. They might be more trouble than they are worth. If you pay your taxes, you could get soldiers for nearly free.

12. Is there any place on the map where swords are illegal, magic is outlawed or any other notable hassles from Johnny Law?

The law varies from place to place and, more importantly, from Estate to Estate. If you're a peasant, you might get in trouble for having a sword or riding on a horse. Get a noble; use them as your excuse. There is no law to hassle you directly, but there are lots of nobles, and lots of people interested in maintaining the status quo.

13. Which way to the nearest tavern?


14. What monsters are terrorizing the countryside sufficiently that if I kill them I will become famous?

The countryside is fairly civilized. Wolves and druids are major problems. Most likely the major threats will be things the PCs unearth and let loose, or regular people.

15. Are there any wars brewing I could go fight?

So many. Which one do  you want? 

16. How about gladiatorial arenas complete with hard-won glory and fabulous cash prizes?

Tournaments are your best bet, but you need to be a noble or impersonate one. Even then, the cash prizes pale in comparison to dungeon-looting or highway robbery.

17. Are there any secret societies with sinister agendas I could join and/or fight?

Yes, but they are secret. You might start in one if you're a Summoner, but otherwise, you're going to have to stumble across them  during play. About 80% of them are just religious heretics.

18. What is there to eat around here?

Depends on what you have to spend. Carrots, bread, light beer, eggs, fish. Chicken, pork, mutton.

19. Any legendary lost treasures I could be looking for?

Yup, but unless the game starts with one of those as the main goal, it's probably not relevant. The legendary sword of King Bothbert, the Chalice of Victory, the Tripartite Crown of the Last Emperor of Thule, etc.

20. Where is the nearest dragon or other monster with Type H treasure?

There's a dragon in the mountains, but she owns the bank, so that's probably not a good idea.
Dark Souls/Studio Ghibli, Kyle Fewell

Part 2

In response, back in the day, Scrap Princess wrote another set of 20 quick questions for your campaign. They are... uniquely useful.

1. Is there weaponized Squid?

Probably, in Foreign Parts.
Can I start with one?
Probably not.
How much are they?
In a port city, if you knew about them and asked around, like 2,000gp. As much as a really fancy horse.
Can I have one as a pet/horse/best friend?
Fairly speculative, given that you haven't even got one yet, and I don't know what your standards of friendship are.

Can I play one?
If you want I'll add Squidlings to the Table of Races and you can roll for it.
Can I dual wield them?
Not unless you're really strong.

2. Is there undead robots?

Yes. Sort of. Do Dryads count? Does enchanted armour count? Otherwise no.
Follow up questions involve the nature of consciousness and the existence of the soul in your campaign and can I play one?
The soul runs the body and not the other way around. Souls can stick around and possess dead bodies, trees, living people, or just float about. You cannot start as an undead robot. There's a non-zero chance you'll end up as something just as weird.
or have one as a pet or a gun that shoots them?
Again, you can't start with one, but I've seen weirder stuff get looted or weaponized by the PCs.

3. Do Icebergs walk across the land ?

Yes. Ice Elementals sometimes get really pissed off and decide to squish a coastal village or a rock that annoyed them. This is fairly unusual Around Here but might be common in Foreign Parts. Ever seen a glacier hustle?
can I be from one?
From an iceberg? No.
Is godzilla frozen in one?
Maybe? Ask the ice.
Can I play a godzilla?

4. What do birds know?

All kinds of stuff. Owls are dumb as rocks though; don't ask owls. Ask crows instead. Sparrows and all the other little brown birds are just one kind of bird that shapechanges.

5. Does medicine work like it does here but no-one knows CPR or does it work like a cartoon so I cure amnesia with more head injurys or does it work like medieval euro people thought it did with demons in your teeth?

The last one, mostly because it sometimes is demons in your teeth (ok, probably not demons, but spare spells, ancestors, ghosts, etc.) Medicine is sometimes about stopping all the blood from escaping and sometimes about convincing the soul it should stick around. It's hideously ineffective. People are either fine, lumpy, or dead.
Do I start with demons in my teeth?
Are you asking if your character has a toothache? Do you want me to roll for it, because this seems like of of those things you get to decide.
Do I know CPR? Can I invent CPR?
No to both.
Can I give myself powers with additionally organs?
What planet is in ascension in my spleen midmorning?
Felwent, the Star of Harmony. Promotes happy digestion. Be kind to cats today. This advice costs you 5 copper pieces.

6. I want to play a hobbit but really I'm the fleas controlling the hobbit. Where is that in the book?

No book, just a stack of paper. Also, no hobbits. 
Could I take over a new guy with my fleas? Or another players guy?
Look, being a cloud of body-riding fleas seems like a thing that happens to you, not a thing you start as.

7. How much could I rent my body out to spirits before I lost control of my character?

A surprising amount.
What are the names of the spirits?
You don't get to know that out of game. I mean, why?
Are they cool?
Super cool. You just need to let them stick onto your soul like barnacles.

8.What level do I have to get my character to before I am the g.m?

That's... not how leveling works. You can start your own game whenever you are ready. 
Can I half be the g.m at an early level?
You always have a say in the story and the world.
What about when you leave the room?
GM-ness doesn't reside with my body or something. It's in our collective brainspace, and that stays.

9. What is the dumbest thing I can spend my money on?

Damp old straw.
no dumber than that but cool. Like a pet with a pet with a weapon?
Well, I've got a player who purchased a falcon from a discount falcon shop. It had wizard things done to it and now it shoots lasers from its eyes. It's very dangerous, almost completely useless, but kind of cool.
Can pets dual wield?
Depends on the pet?

10. How ugly can my guy be? 

Real ugly. 
Like Can I basically be a walking fish?
Yes. The worst is probably the flyling - they're all bristles and proboscis and feelers.
No wait I wanna be a walking fish. What is the reverse scuba technology like in this world?
It's called "fishlings can breathe air just fine, if they've been out of the water long enough."

11.The lamp oil? Is that like cooking oil, kerosene, white spirits or napalm?

The cheap stuff is olive oil. The good stuff is like napalm. The really cheap stuff is like runny butter.
How much can I buy of it?
Barrels and barrels of the cheap stuff. At least a few flasks of the good stuff.

12. How does physics work in this world?

You have no idea.
What makes the planets stay up? Are there planets?
Again, you probably have no idea, but if you roll up an astrologer you can make some stuff up.
Is it elves? Can I play an elf from another planet?
Elves from around here are plenty weird.
Does everything work like how we though it did in the past?
Sort of? Maybe? Probably not. 
Can I discover stuff and pass it off as a magic?
How are you going to pass it off as magic if you think it is magic? Are asbestos blankets magic? Is coal magic? 
Is possible to use the scientific process to organise the concepts of magic?
Sure. Make sure you're using good medieval pseudoscience.

13. Can I start with weapon hands?

Probably not. Maybe a hook?
What about crab claws? Can I play a crab with human hands?
Sure, crab-lings are a thing, and if you roll one you get to decide how they look.
Can I have one as a pet?
That's called slavery.
Do they live on a different planet? Can we go there?
Nope. Probably not, at least. Only one planet. No planes, no hells, no special dimensions.

14. What cultures approve of cannibalism?

People in Foreign Parts. Sometimes, during sieges, it becomes a pious inevitability. 
What about if we are super rich?
You could probably get away with it for years, but society doesn't approve of it.
Aren't rich cannibals be default , I mean if you think about it? How is the class struggle here anyway?
There's no class conflict, unless you count intermittent peasant rebellions, robbing churches, etc, but the class divide is huge.
Is there a Karl Marx?
Nope. There are plenty of peasant revolutionaries though. It never ends well.
How receptive are people to the ideas of anarcho-syndicalism here?
"Isms" have yet to catch on.

15. Can my character not be real , but a hallucination of another character?

Probably not, but if you become a high enough level Illusionist, you can accidentally become an illusion.
But I still wanna be able to do stuff. What are the stats for that?
I haven't written them, but I will if it ever comes up.

16. Which is the rome but with lava fire country in this world?

Probably Hell.
What about the ice circus country? Can I have a pet from there?

Not sure, but possibly up north in Foreign Parts. They have all sorts of stuff up there, like little furry deer, and invisible bears, and fat water dogs.

17. Can I invent an insect?

as a player like right now I tell you an insect and you put it in the game? Or as a character?
Possibly both. I mean, there are ant-lings and beetle-lings already. Unless you want to massively alter the rules, you can make up another kind of insect and be that -ling instead, provided you roll it on the table.
Can my spells be insects that then exist in this world after I cast them?
They are already like that, except more like ferrets, and they come back to live in your spellbook or head at the end of the day.
Can I play an insect who is actually a spell cast in this world? What about as a pet?
Probably not.

18. Is there reverse fire?

If there is, you don't know about it. Fire is its own thing.
What about reverse water or earth? What do they wear there?
Again, you don't know. Maybe alchemists and philosophers know. Go ask them and see.

19. How much money can I make inventing siege engines?

A lot of money, but since this is a game about tomb-robbing and getting rich by looting stuff, you might be better off weaponizing and selling stuff you find in the dungeon, like basilisks, or teleporting rods, or wand cannons. Plus selling siege engine inventing is a job, and a job doesn't earn you XP.
Can I play a siege engine?
Probably not.
In what ways are animals used in siege engines?
They tow them, and sometimes siege engines toss dead cows and sheep over the walls.

20.What is the most significant tree to the economy of the starting place?

Is it really a tree or maidens stitched together?
Definitely a tree.
If I play a maiden do I get spells or do people that worship me get spells but only if I'm mad at them?
You get spells. You probably can't be a tree maiden though.


  1. Replies
    1. Nope! Got gnomes though! https://coinsandscrolls.blogspot.ca/2017/10/osr-class-surly-gnome.html