OSR: Creature: Paradox Angels

Created by the Authority directly and dispatched to fix paradoxes and loopholes in Creation. They arrive in a cloud of condensed light and fire, but people tend to remember the noise best. It's the sound of a dozen heads shouting commands, a dozen musical instruments playing at once, a dozen swords slamming into shields. Their form is ever-changing, a knot of swirling matter and light. They grow faces, limbs, and weapons at random and then absorb them instantly. Their faces are always angry and beautiful. Their limbs are strong and their weapons keen. They hate existing and they hate entering Creation.

Like this, but spherical, angry, and on fire.

Paradox Angels

HD 8, Regenerate 2/round Attack 14 Defense 14 Weapons of the Authority 1d8/1d4 exploding on a 4 or 20' cone of fire (1d6)
Fly 14 Int 10 Mor 12

Wants to end the paradox they were created to end
Behaves like a drunk with a chainsaw and a flamethrower trying to hunt a mouse
Appears in swarms of 1+1d4

Paradox Angels arrive whenever a portable hole is placed into a bag of holding, an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object, or a barber tries to shave himself. Creation, despite the Authority's best efforts, is a messy place full of errors from past eons. Unable to retroactively unmake His own laws and unable to see the future, the Authority must rely on His divine messengers to fix any grievous mistakes.

Limited Knowledge: Paradox Angels know very little of Creation, and, to limit other paradoxes, have few senses. They can be tricked. Each round, roll on the table below for the senses a Paradox Angel can use. They can smell and hear well enough to track you, but not perfectly.
1. Insensate
2. Sight only
3. Hearing only
4. Touch and Taste only
5. Smell only
6. Soul-sense (can see location of creatures, their age, and their orthodoxy) only
7. Sight and Hearing
8-10. Same as previous round

Absolute Focus: Paradox Angels are created to deal with one paradox and nothing else. They try not to observe anything they don't have to, in case it's a trick or causes further paradoxes. If you've accidentally created multiple paradoxes at once, the Angels will deal with the one they were created to solve and leave the rest alone. They can only solve paradoxes with violence, but as they are capable of astonishing amounts of tireless violence, it usually works out. They vanish when the paradox is resolved.

Ways to Create A Paradox

1. Die During Character Creation. In the GLOG system, your starting HP is equal to your Constitution - 4. Your stats are rolled on 3d6 (or 4d4). You can start with -1 HP. If you do so, your character enters the scene, speaks one line, dies, and then a swarm of Paradox Angels arrive to eliminate any witnesses.

2. Philosophy. The Authority sometimes gets annoyed at clever mortals who bend the rules (or think of ways to bend the rules). Expect to see 1 philosopher (robes, sandals, and beard) pursued by a swarm of Paradox Angels. Wise philosophers wear rings of protection.

3. Time Travel. Enough said. Expect intermittent visits. If you ever get a Paradox Angel to meet its past or future self, both Angels explode in a puff of logic (2d20 psychic damage, 10' radius, if you take damage and survive gain +2 Intelligence).

4. Countercreatures. Feed a head-growing hydra to a head-devouring ogre. Get a werewolf to bite a wolfwere.

5. Items. Put a portable hole into a bag of holding. Roll an Indestructible Sphere into a Sphere of Annihilation.

6. Kill a Paradox Creature. Some creatures are made of loopholes. Editing them out of Creation is difficult, but killing them is dangerous as well. XP gained is corrupted (and highly variable), and items they drop can cause havoc until destroyed or discarded.

Paradox Treasure

1. Liquid Buffer Overflow. Oozing TV static. A swarm of crackling motes of colour. Sinks into the ground almost immediately, but if caught (it can't pass through flesh) and drunk, has immediate effects. Add 2d10 to your stats, rolling individually for each stat and resetting each time you pass 18. Example: you have a Strength of 12. You drink the liquid and gain 5 points, bringing your total to 17. But you also have 12 Constitution, and gain 7 points, bringing your new Constitution to 1. 2-in-6 chance Paradox Angels show up.

2. Not a Chair. The exact negation of a chair. You can't sit on it. You can't describe it, except by what it's not, and it's definitely not a chair. You can't do much else with it either, as it doesn't weigh as much as a chair and doesn't have any other uses.

3. The Fastest Chariot. An plain wooden chariot with no horses. It always arrives at your destination (provided you name the destination) before you do, rolling off at top speed. If you try and ride in it, you and the chariot both explode and a swarm of Paradox Angels show up. If you change your destination mid journey, the chariot will return, run you over (1d6 damage), and then drive to your new destination.

4. Zeno's Arrows. Each round, the arrows move half of the remaining distance to their target. Maximum 40' range. The arrows are firmly fixed in the air and can be used as a ladder. If they ever strike their target, there is a 2-in-6 chance Paradox Angels show up.

5. 99 Items. 1d4 random items in a player's inventory are duplicated 99 times. This could result in 99 coins, 99 horses, or 99 masterwork ancestral Swords of Tranquility. If they player already had 99 items (coins, for example), 99 of them vanish and are replaced by a Not-Item, a useless object defined only by what it isn't.

6. Off By One. A disc of metal, hinged in the middle to let one half flip. Rotate it, and the following values on your character sheet shift one slot over: Stats (in order), Attack, Defense, Save, Stealth, Movement, Current HP, Max HP. Use it once, and your Max HP becomes your Strength, your Strength becomes your Dexterity, etc. 1-in-6 chance Paradox Angels show up each time you use it, with the chance improving by 1 per use, and with +1d4 Angels arriving per use.


  1. I'm really enjoying your blog, but this post in particular made me laugh until my stomach hurt.

  2. This is one of my favorite posts. It’s perfect for a gonzo game, and to add flavor to the religion in a setting.