OSR: -Ard Classes

I misread a message from ktrey (1d4caltrops) and this is the result. What if all classes in a game or setting ended with -ard?

(This is sort of a palate cleanser after the previous post.)

Bard

No changes required. Bards are sometimes known as Blaggards or Blowhards.

Bastard

A fighter-type with all the dirty tricks.

Blackbeard

Yar har! Sword, pistol, ship, and swashbuckling. Blackbeards can be either Onboard or Landward. Bluebeards are a variant that collect wives instead of treasure.

Bodyguard

A fighter-type with fewer dirty tricks. A fighter who appears to be a Bodyguard but is actually a Bastard is a Blackguard. 

Bombard

See this post. Can fly (if hoisted by own petard).

Buzzard

The Buzzard has keen eyes, sharp talons, and wings. A Buzzard with high charisma is a Bustard. Aquatic Buzzards are Mallards.

Custard

Slide under doors! Attract monsters with your enticing aroma! Custards which focus on offensive abilities are Mustards.

Drunkard   

A monk-type brawler. If you buy armour, you become a Tankard. If you take a vow of pacifism, you become a Coward.

Dullard

Dullards cast using Intelligence. Most of their spells make enemies dumber, reducing them to the Dullard's level so the Dullard can beat them with experience (and a big stick). Old Dullards are called Dotards.

Goliard

See this post. 

Lizard

Who doesn't want to play a big ol' lizard?

"Species, Class, and Background?"
"Lizard, Lizard, and, uh, Lizard."

Leopard

A vicious cat. Unfortunately, has to be carried around by other people, because once you've selected a position you cannot alter it. The Leopard cannot change its spots.

Richard

Upon selecting this class, the player must also select a Historical Richard. They are that Richard, and gain one corresponding special ability. They are probably bewildered by the sudden setting change. Examples include Richard Nixon (who Is Not A Crook), Richard of York (who Gave Battle in Vain), Richard Feynman (Nature Cannot Be Fooled), etc.

Some players just want to be dicks.

Sluggard

The class of the Sluggard, I've heard it declared,
Is False OSR (as if anyone cared).
As the Cleric has chain and the Fighter has plate,
The Sluggard's defense is to always be late.

"More time in the town, more time to prepare;"
Not present in combat, yet still wants a share.
If caught by an ambush, the Sluggard must weigh,
All possible actions each round of the fray.

Encumbered by items, bewildered by maps,
Useless with weapons and fearful of traps,
With health undiminished and body uncursed,
The Sluggard cries out "Lo, the last shall be first!"

Ward

A paladin-type. Wards of the State are typically orphans raised to serve as roving police officers. Wards of the Hospital are healers. Awkwards force monsters to flee... or just shuffle away without making eye contact.

Wizard

Wizards, of course, cast using Wisdom. Wizards are very wise (and also very wrinkly).

All these classes feel safest in boulevards, courtyards, and blizzards.

You could instead divide them like this:

Type:
Bastard (heavily weighted), Buzzard, Custard, Leopard, and Lizard.

Class:
Bard, Bodyguard, Bombard, Drunkard, Dullard, Goliard, Richard, Sluggard, Ward, and Wizard.

But I can't vouch for any of the combinations... or for this post in general.

Sean Andrew Murray

Arduous Enemies 

Aardvarks and Aardwolves, obviously. Found in the Ardennes.