Books I Sell

2018/03/08

1d200 Negative, Depressing, Dangerous, Life-Threatening Things

George Carlin started this list but he didn't think to tabulate it, so I had to finish the job and get a nice round number. 


I feel it might be useful to have a large table of horrible things. Roll on it or read it as a rant. 
or
     Curse your enemies with it. 
          or
               Find out what the dEr0 are doing.
                    or
                        use it to find goblin types or petty gods

                              or
                                  Use it as a disclaimer. "This RPG may contain..."
                                        or, more likely, "This setting may contain but this RPG will not necessarily feature..."

1d200
1broken promises
2locusts
3dry rot
4emulsified meat products
5root canals
6earthquakes
7depletion of the ozone layer
8rabies
9layoffs
10propaganda
11flash floods
12intestinal bleeding
13termites
14drone warfare
15crop blight
16menus without prices
17solitary confinement
18student loans
19random violence
20emotional fatigue
21structural defects
22nuclear winter
23faulty elevators
24shipwrecks
25voodoo curse
26watered-down drinks
27unworthiness
28snake bite
29rogue elephants
30false advertising
31cold sores
32regulatory capture
33family scandals
34airline food
35tuberculosis
36amateur poetry festivals
37stripped bolts
38religious fanatics
39benefit clawbacks
40mail fraud
41bathtub accidents
42compressed gas cylinders
43rampaging moose
44drug-resistant infections
45calcium deficiency
46ill-fitting shoes
47sunburn
48poor workmanship
49school shootings
50price fixing
51eating disorders
52carbon deposits
53social isolation
54warfare
55wax buildup
56toxic waste
57nine-mile fever
58ingrown hairs
59discrimination
60disgruntled employees
61jealous coworkers
62obscene phone calls
63demonic possession
64anal rape
65breach of contract
66beef tapeworms
67faulty merchandise
68volcanic eruptions
69heavy metal poisoning
70sunspots
71venereal disease
72trans fats
73wayward girls
74squeaky shoes
75mutual assured destruction
76brake line failure
77loss of equilibrium
78sponsored journalism
79methane plumes
80race riots
81plagirism
82heatstroke
83gridlock
84faithless friends
85sexual harassment
86charlatans
87nuclear accidents
88killer frost
89asteroids
90Dutch elm disease
91dandruff
92poisoned meat
93identity theft
94financial ruin
95rejection
96bank failure
97youth gangs
98cattle stampedes
99macular degeneration
100chemical spills
101exposed wiring
102acid rain
103cancer
104paper cuts
105sneak attacks
106medical debt
107vigilantes
108leprosy
109boils
110wrongful cremation
111absentee landlords
112threatening letters
113end-user license agreements
114organ rejection
115cereal weevils
116runaway trains
117loss of privileges
118moral decay
119cystic acne
120neo-Nazis
121the contraction of the universe
122taxation without representation
123labor violence
124iodine deficiency
125escaped maniacs
126soil erosion
127defrocked priests
128hemorrhoids
129lynching
130birth defects
131unexploded bombs
132abandonment
133feedback loops
134corporal punishment
135transverse myelitis
136ulcers
137pipeline breaks
138evil neighbors
139bad drugs
140sudden blindness
141diabetes
142evil spirits
143terrorism
144killer bees
145radon
146ungrateful children
147bad luck
148failure of will
149card sharks
150white slavery
151stray bullets
152unstable dynamite
153black mold
154asbestos
155torture
156transit strikes
157falling rocks
158cavities
159global warming
160loss of face
161prowlers
162excommunication
163bubonic plague
164peer pressure
165lightning strikes
166psychotic breaks
167metal fatigue
168chain reactions
169wind shear
170body lice
171widespread chaos
172unlabelled pills
173unpaid overtime
174stink bombs
175public ridicule
176the greenhouse effect
177entropy
178friction
179gentrification
180tinnitus
181broken glass
182sleeper agents
183blind nationalism
184parasites
185hotel fires
186sinkholes
187quicksand
188genital mutilation
189Lou Gehrig's disease
190mildew
191cluster headaches
192hangnails
193famine
194prickly heat
195off-label medication
196continental drift
197contamination of the water supply
198eternal damnation
199the wrath of God
200and PARANOIA!



Regularly scheduled tasteful content will return after these messages.

4 comments:

  1. Did Europeans in the Middle Ages suffer from cold sores?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. There's a legend that the Emperor Tiberius banned kissing in Rome for a few months because of a massive outbreak. It was also one of the traditional signs of prostitution, often remarked on, made fun of, or subverted.
      /the more you know.

      Delete
  2. "Rampaging moose" Nah man, that's just Tuesday in the Canadian wild.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This product may contain killer frost, poor workmanship, sleeper agents, flash floods, eating disorders and stripped bolts.

    Nice. I'd buy that.

    ReplyDelete