OSR: Megoosa (or Gorgoose)

Art by Teal Sather
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Maybe we'll get more gooses.

HD: 6 (25 HP)
Number Appearing: 1

Appearance: a human woman with geese heads and necks for hair. Charming, outgoing, and amusing, but surrounded by avian assholes with vengeful minds and toothed beaks.
Voice: charming, fluttery. Occasionally drowned out by sustained honking.
Wants: to go to parties, mingle with nobility, dance, and enjoy life. To do good. The geese want all sorts of horrible, random, and merciless things.
Morality: decent, but completely unwilling to accept full blame for the activities of her hair.
Intelligence: reasonably smart. The geese display bursts of malicious brilliance.

Armour: None. Cannot be harmed by non-magical weapons.
Move: normal.
Morale: 7
Damage: 1d4 punch. See Honking Frenzy below.

Every few minutes, or whenever something interesting happens, roll to see What The Geese Want To Do. Always roll at least twice (4 d10s). The geese are fractious and may sabotage each other.

1d10	The Geese Want To...
1	Viciously bite (1d4 damage)...	all adjacent people.
2	Tug and pull (no damage) at...	one nearby person.
3	Entrap, entangle, or hide...	one distant person the geese can see.
4	Drag into a body of water...	a valuable or shiny object.
5	Protect...	the nearest plant.
6	Flail wildly at...	anything delicate or precarious.
7	Steal and drag away...	the nearest finger, digit, or appendage.
8	Hiss aggressively at...	the nearest visible writing.
9	Honk incredibly loudly at...	anyone not paying attention to them.
10	Nap while gazing longingly at...	the sun or moon.

If the Gorgoose (or Megoosa) is attacked or threatened, the geese will start to screech and hiss and enter a Honking Frenzy. If the Megoosa (or Gorgoose) is not in combat, there's a 1-in-6 chance per round she can coax them into a Honking Frenzy.

While in a Honking Frenzy, all creatures who can hear the Gorgoose (or Megoosa) must Save each round or suffer one effect from the list below. Plugged ears, either with cotton or fingers, negate this effect. The geese will specifically try to target fingers or cotton (if visible and adjacent). The Megoosa (or Gorgoose) will apologize and try to move away from combat.

1d10	Honking Frenzy Effects
1	Stunned for 1 round (can either move or attack but not both).
2	Enraged for 1 round (must attack the Gorgoose (or Megoosa)).
3	Confused for 1 round (cannot do anything cunning or tactical).
4	Deafened (to all but the honking) for 10 rounds.
5	Fear for 1d10 rounds (must flee the honking).
6	Enfeebled for 1d10 rounds (Strength becomes 2).
7	Fascinated for 1 round (must stare at the Megoosa (or Gorgoose)).
8	Shaken for 1d10 rounds (significant penalty to all rolls).
9	Unconscious for 1d10 rounds.
10	Exploded (not really) for 1d10 rounds (target believes their head has exploded and that they are now dead and a ghost).

Gorgoose (or Megoosa Encounters)

1. At a formal banquet, trying to assemble a plate and hold a conversation while the geese-heads fiddle with trays and guests.

2. Hiring the PCs (sight unseen) to assist with a perfectly ordinary shopping trip. Does she need protection, they might ask? No, but the shopkeepers do.

3. In trouble. A cabal of deaf magicians has kidnapped a Megoosa (or Gorgoose) and piped her honking through a system of pipes in their lair. Other sonic traps abound.

4. A villain hired a gorgon for his lair; got a Gorgoose (or Megoosa) instead. The villain is apologetic, but would like the PCs to be the ones to deliver the bad news and deal with the aftermath.

5. The Gosling Sisters have taken to the stage. Opening night is tomorrow. The PCs were invited, hired as bouncers, or hired to spoil the show at the behest of a jealous rival group of acrobatic mermaids.

6. In a cave, offering dubious oracles for cash. Legend says a Megoosa (or Gorgoose) knows all the secrets geese know, which is presumably quite a few. Actually just uses cold reading and flattery. Spends most of the money on hard-wearing dresses (with pockets) and bread for her hair.

Thanks to Nolano from the Day[9] discord for the prompt and the core of the Honking Frenzy idea.

Filmographic Timeline of English Monarchs (1066-1707)

History is hard without visual references. Here are all the English monarchs between the Norman Conquest (1066) and the Acts of Unification (1707). Media is selected more-or-less arbitrarily. The linked depictions might not be the best available, but they’re the ones that stuck in my head. Your mileage may vary. Images were selected based on era-appropriate portraits wherever possible.

Long-form posts like this are made possible by generous donations on Patreon.

 

Normans

William I – James Fleet in The Nearly Complete and Utter History of Everything (1999)

You’d think William the Conqueror would have a classic film about his life, but no, apparently not. There’s a French documentary with dramatic re-enactments that’s pretty decent, but (perhaps sadly), the picture in my head comes from a four minute comedy sketch. There’s a 1990 film where Michael Gambon plays William and Brian Blessed has a role, but for the life of me I can’t find a copy anywhere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtzu2Dxh4oQ

William II – ???

I can’t picture William II. He reigns for 13 years, dies in a mysterious hunting accident, and vanishes from the scene like smoke. There are no plays or films about him.

Henry I – Clive Wood in The Pillars of the Earth (2010)

Prophecies! Political machinations involving fleece fairs! Diocese vs priory, relics, painted statues construction equipment! Hairy pigs! Sure, the politics is mostly flim-flammery and some of the minor characters are hastily sketched, but the series is still well worth watching.

Henry tried to console himself for his loss by eating a surfeit of palfreys. This was a Bad Thing, since he died of it and never smiled again.

-1066 and All That

Stephen – Tony Curran in The Pillars of the Earth (2010)

Tony Curran does an excellent job as a precariously balanced king. He’s a major antagonist in the series, without a lot of redeeming qualities. In reality, he was probably a decent king.

Matilda – Alison Pill in The Pillars of the Earth (2010)

Matilda, empress at 15, victor in an unusually bloody civil war and a reasonably shrewd leader, makes Stephen look like a wilted salad. By rights, her son should have turned out weak or incompetent or died young, but for once in history things worked out.

The Pillars of the Earth flows nicely into Beckett. In Beckett, Matilda (played by Martita Hunt) is still alive, still doing needlepoint and trying to keep her son off the rocks. Her character is much more poignant with the added context of The Pillars of the Earth.

Plantagenets

Henry II – Peter O'Toole in Becket (1964) & The Lion in Winter (1968)

Of all the monarchs on this list, Henry II has the most advantages. He has two films, both based on plays, and both with the same actor; the superb Peter O’Toole. Becket is by far the weaker of the two plays, both historically and dramatically. The Lion in Winter should be mandatory viewing. It’s a masterwork. I watch it at least once every three months. If you watch nothing else on this list, please watch The Lion in Winter. Every line is quotable. Every scene is memorable.

My life, when it is written, will read better than it lived. Henry Fitz-Empress, first Plantagenet, king at 21, the ablest soldier of an able time. He led men well, he cared for justice when he could and ruled for thirty years a state as great as Charlemagne's. He married out of love a woman out of legend. Not in Alexandria, or Rome, or Camelot has there been such a queen. She bore him many children... but no sons. King Henry had no sons. He had three whiskered things but he disowned them.

-The Lion In Winter

Henry the Young King – Riggs O'Hara in Becket (1968)

Henry appears in Beckett but doesn’t speak. He’s not even in the credits. In a way, that’s how I see him in my head. A silent figure, rebellious but beloved, in the shadow of his domineering parents, dead and gone before all the fun really starts.

Richard I – Anthony Hopkins in The Lion in Winter (1968)

There are other portrayals of Richard the Lionheart, but the image in my head is Hopkins. Sometimes it’s older Hopkins, weathered by foreign suns, but often it’s just the young, tormented, bellicose Richard of The Lion in Winter. Sweating as he holds a dented sword over a fallen knight, his blood pounding in his ears.

Christ, Henry... is that all? You never called me. You never said my name. I’d have walked, I’d have crawled. I’d have done anything. 

-The Lion in Winter

John – Nigel Terry in The Lion in Winter (1968)

None of the endless Robin Hood films made an impression. John even gets a Shakespeare play... which is mostly full of cuckolding jokes, as I recall. Not really worth it. It’s still from The Lion in Winter, biting his lips and scratching himself and constantly, endlessly failing.

I’m not a fool. I read three languages. I’ve studied law. What plan? 

-The Lion in Winter

Henry III – ???

Another non-entity when it comes to film and television. Why? He ruled for sixty years, he fought on the continent, he was captured and escaped, and he was a candidate for canonization. Is he just too pious and bland? Is the unrest during his rule “mere anarchy” loosed upon the world? Or does he just the ill luck of coming between two more interesting and lively monarchs?

Edward I – Patrick McGoohan in Braveheart (1995)

Yeah yeah, I know. Braveheart. It’s the image in my head; beyond that, I can’t say much in its defence. Patrick McGoohan has an icy stare and a firm command of his role. Forget historical accuracy.

Edward II – Peter Hanly in Braveheart (1995) & Ian McKellen in Edward II (1970)

Peter Hanly get a mention for his role in Braveheart, but his portrayal has to compete with the 1970 production of Marlowe’s Edward II. Ian McKellen is very young in this production. Everyone’s in V-necks. There are lots of embraces, hugs, longing gazes, and other fairly obvious overtones.

Edward III – Michael Hordern in The Dark Avenger (1955)

Much like Henry III, Edward III gets very little screen time. He reigned for fifty years through the Black Death and the start of the Hundred Years War, fought everywhere, displayed interesting bouts of temper and remorse, and generally did everything a king could do to deserve a favourable portrayal. There’s a semi-apocryphal Shakespeare play about him but I’ve never seen it. The only film portrayal that springs to mind is a mediocre costume drama. The great Michael Hordern does his best to give the role some gravitas, but it just doesn’t work.

Richard II – Ben Whishaw in The Hollow Crown (2012)

After a run of shaky portrayals and films of dubious quality, we’re back on solid ground. The Hollow Crown miniseries is excellent. This is the first Shakespeare play on the list. Richard II, in the play, is a fascinating character. The peculiar blend of piety and egomania, or fatalism, courage, and cowardice, makes the role difficult to play, but soft-spoken and dreaming Ben Whishaw carries it off perfectly.

Let's talk of graves, of worms, and epitaphs;

Write sorrow on the bosom of the earth,

Let us sit upon the ground

And tell sad stories of the death of kings;

How some have been deposed; some slain in war,

Some haunted by the ghosts they have deposed;

Some poison'd by their wives: some sleeping kill'd;

All murder'd.

-Richard II

House of Lancaster

Henry IV – Jeremy Irons in The Hollow Crown (2012)

Rory Kinnear played Henry IV in the first episode (Richard II) of the series and did a very good job, but it’s Jeremy Irons’ portrayal that sticks in my head. Old, concerned, and simply dressed, he’s a king who feels both the weight of his past misdeeds and the weight of his current responsibilities.

Canst thou, O partial sleep, give thy repose

To the wet sea-boy in an hour so rude,

And in the calmest and most stillest night,

With all appliances and means to boot,

Deny it to a king? Then happy low, lie down!

Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.

-Henry IV, Part II

Henry V – Kenneth Branagh in Henry V (1989)

Tom Hiddleston plays the role in the Hollow Crown series, but he winks at the camera bit too much. He does a good job, but in my head, it’s Branagh. He catches a few jokes these days, but in 1989 all he had was ambition and good luck. The film starts off slow and soft and gradually builds. It’s got wonderful tracking shots, costumes, and edits in all the right places. The LaurenceOlivier version from 1944 is a classic.

Side Note: Simon Russell Beale does a superb job as Falstaff in the Hollow Crown series.

Henry VI – Tom Sturridge in The Hollow Crown, Part II (2016)

Young, easily steered, impulsive, and slightly dim. It’s not the best portrayal on this list, but it’s still quite good.

House of York

Edward IV – Geoffrey Streatfeild in The Hollow Crown, Part II (2016) & JohnWood in Richard III (1995)

I’m not a huge fan of the Hollow Crown’s adaptation of Richard III. It’s exceptionally well shot, but the script isn’t as well edited as other adaptations. The wheezing, unhappy Edward IV in the 1995 modernized version is the one that sticks in my memory, costuming aside.

Edward V – Marco Williamson in Richard III (1995)

In the Shakespeare version of this story, the Edward V appears mostly as a ghost.

Geoffrey: We are extra princes now. You know where extra princes go?

John: Down.

-The Lion in Winter

Richard III – Ian McKellen in Richard III (1995)

Aside from the intriguing alt-history angle, this adaptation also has an excellent script. Richard III is a surprisingly hard play to wrangle into shape. Compare Clarence’s speech in the original to the version in this film. Elizabethan gothic at its finest.

O, I have pass'd a miserable night,

I thought that I had broken from the Tower,

And was embark'd to cross to Burgundy;

And, in my company, my brother Richard;

Who from my cabin tempted me to walk

Upon the hatches. As we paced along

I thought that Gloucester stumbled; and, in falling,

Struck me overboard,

Into the tumbling billows of the main.

I thought what pain it was to drown.

What dreadful noise of waters in my ears.

What sights of ugly death before my eyes.

I thought I saw a thousand fearful wrecks;

A thousand men that fishes gnaw'd upon;

Wedges of gold, great anchors, heaps of pearl,

Inestimable stones, unvalued jewels,

All scatter'd in the bottom of the sea:

Some lay in dead men's skulls; and, in those holes

Where eyes did once inhabit, there were crept,

As it were in scorn of eyes, reflecting gems,

That woo'd the slimy bottom of the deep,

And mock'd the dead bones that lay scatter'd by.

My dream was lengthen'd after life;

O, then began the tempest to my soul,

With that, methoughts, a legion of foul fiends

Environ'd me, and howled in mine ears

Such hideous cries, that with the very noise

I trembling waked, and for a season after

Could not believe but that I was in hell,

Such terrible impression made the dream.

Tudors

Henry VII – Dominic West in Richard III (1995)

Better known for his work in The Wire, Dominic West does a very decent job as a minor character in the play. Once again, as a king between two interesting and turbulent figures, he’s generally overlooked.

Henry VIII – Richard Burton in Anne of the Thousand Days (1969)

Henry VIII probably has the most screen time of any monarch on this list? So why Anne of the Thousand Days? First, because it focuses on the moment when Henry decides to cross the Rubicon and commit himself. Second, because there probably will never be an actor better suited in temperament to play the king. And third, because my mental image of Henry VIII comes from his portrait, not a play or film.

I regret, Master Cromwell, that you did not heed my advice. You have, I believe, told the King not what he ought to do, but what he can do. Now no man in the world can hold him.

-Anne of a Thousand Days

Edward VI – Warren Saire in Lady Jane (1986)

Much like Henry the Young King or Edward V, Edward VI is a transitory figure, an inciting incident to larger troubles.

Jane – Helena Bonham Carter in Lady Jane (1986)

A very young Helena Bonham Carter in a solid middle-of-the-road film. There are many details of costuming and set dressing that help keep this film on the list. Every shot is beautifully layered: foreground, midground, background. Smoke and dust and grease.

Mary I – Joanne Whalley in The Virgin Queen (2005)

All portrayals of Mary I are more-or-less the same, drawn directly from her portraiture. She’s thin-lipped, paranoid, cruel, and very swiftly dead to make way for Elizabeth. The Virgin Queen series is well worth watching. It picks up as the episodes progress.

Elizabeth I – Cate Blanchett in Elizabeth (1998) & Elizabeth: The GoldenAge (2007)

Despite the many good qualities of The Virgin Queen series, the image in my head is of Cate Blanchett. The first film is substantially better than the second, but both are still interesting. The Virgin Queen miniseries covers more historical details with greater accuracy and care.

Each of you must vote according to your conscience. But remember this. In your hands, upon this moment, lies the future happiness of my people, and the peace of this realm. Let that be upon your conscience also.

Stuarts

James I – Dudley Sutton in Orlando (1992)

Yes, it’s going to cause a bit of mental whiplash going from Cate Blanchett in Elizabeth to Cate Blanchett in Orlando, but so it goes. I didn’t watch them in order. Plenty of other actors in this list take on doubled roles.

Charles I – Alec Guinness in Cromwell (1970)

The perfect subtle hand gestures, the slight slip of accent and hesitation in speech; Alec Guinness outshines all other portrayals of Charles I.

Commonwealth

Oliver Cromwell – Richard Harris in Cromwell (1970)

A superbly bellicose portrayal, owing very little to history perhaps but a great deal to Richard Harris.

Richard Cromwell – Anthony May in Cromwell (1970)

Richard’s part isn’t large in Cromwell, but the scene is set.

Stuarts

Charles II – John Malkovich in The Libertine (2004)

To tell you the truth, in my head, Alec Guiness is both pre-Commonwealth Stuarts; John Malkovich is both post-Commonwealth Stuarts. The Libertine is a moody, foggy, unpleasant film. It’s excellent.

James II – Vernon Steele in Captain Blood (1935)

There are better choices. In fact, almost any choice would be better. The series Charles II: The Power and the Passion covers this period. But for reasons I can’t explain, a brief scene in Captain Blood (with Errol Flynn!) is the source for my mental picture of James II.

William III and Mary II – Thom Hoffman & Sarah Crowden in Orlando (1992)

William and Mary appear for only one scene in Orlando, but that's the best they get in terms of film coverage.

Anne – Olivia Colman in The Favourite (2018)

The costumes and sets are gorgeous (if perhaps slightly too clean and polished), the camera work is solid, and the acting is very good. But the film still feels flat to me. Nobody talked the way Shakespeare wrote. Nobody depicted in The Lion in Winter spoke like that. So why do they feel “right” while The Favourite and Braveheart feel wrong?

I think it’s because some films play with language and some don’t. In The Favourite, everyone says what they mean. It doesn’t feel sharp or clever or quotable. Language is used to haul the plot forward and to show off aspects of characters, but it feels obligatory. The Favourite makes a silent film; I’ve tested it with a 1hr loop of Purcell. Even the finest actors can’t make dialogue sparkle. Most Shakespeare plays, the Lion in Winter, etc. work without pictures.

Condensed Format

Dynasty	Monarch	Dates of Reign	Actor	Media
Normans	William I	1066-1087	James Fleet	The Nearly Complete and Utter History of Everything (1999)
	William II	1087-1100	???	???
	Henry I	1100-1135	Clive Wood	The Pillars of the Earth (2010)
	Stephen	1135-1154	Tony Curran
	Matilda	1141-1148	Alison Pill
Plantagenets	Henry II	1154-1189	Peter O'Toole	Becket (1964) & The Lion in Winter (1968)
	Henry the Young King	1170-1183	Riggs O'Hara	Becket (1964)
	Richard I	1189-1199	Anthony Hopkins	The Lion in Winter (1968)
	John	1199-1216	Nigel Terry
	Henry III	1216-1272	???	???
	Edward I	1272-1307	Patrick McGoohan	Braveheart (1995)
	Edward II	1307-1327	Peter Hanly
			Ian McKellen	Edward II (1970)
	Edward III	1327-1377	Michael Hordern	The Dark Avenger (1955)
	Richard II	1377-1399	Ben Whishaw	The Hollow Crown (2012)
House of Lancaster	Henry IV	1399-1413	Jeremy Irons
	Henry V	1413-1422	Kenneth Branagh	Henry V (1989)
	Henry VI	1422-1461	Tom Sturridge	The Hollow Crown, Part II (2016)
House of York	Edward IV	1461-1483	Geoffrey Streatfeild
			John Wood	Richard III (1995)
	Edward V	04/1483-06/1483	Marco Williamson
	Richard III	1483-1485	Ian McKellen
Tudors	Henry VII	1485-1509	Dominic West
	Henry VIII	1509-1547	Richard Burton	Anne of a Thousand Days (1969)
	Edward VI	1547-1553	Warren Saire	Lady Jane (1986)
	Jane	07/1553	Helena Bonham Carter
	Mary I	1553-1558	Joanne Whalley	The Virgin Queen (2005)
	Elizabeth I	1558-1603	Cate Blanchett	Elizabeth (1998) & Elizabeth: The Golden Age (2007)
Stuarts	James I	1603-1625	Dudley Sutton	Orlando (1992)
	Charles I	1625-1649	Alec Guinness	Cromwell (1970)
Commonwealth	Oliver Cromwell	1653-1658	Richard Harris
	Richard Cromwell	1658-1659	Anthony May
Stuarts	Charles II	1660-1685	John Malkovich	The Libertine (2004)
	James II	1685-1688	Vernon Steele	Captain Blood (1935)
	William III and Mary II	1689-1702	Thom Hoffman & Sarah Crowden	Orlando (1992)
	Anne	1702-1707	Olivia Colman	The Favourite (2018)

Viewing Order

(Highly recommended media bolded)

Viewing Order

The Nearly Complete and Utter History of Everything (1999)

The Pillars of the Earth (2010)

Becket (1964)

The Lion in Winter (1968)

Braveheart (1995)

Edward II (1970)

The Dark Avenger (1955)

The Hollow Crown (2012)

Henry V (1989)

The Hollow Crown, Part II (2016)

Richard III (1995)

Anne of a Thousand Days (1969)

Lady Jane (1986)

The Virgin Queen (2005)

Elizabeth (1998)

Elizabeth: The Golden Age (2007)

Orlando (1992)

Cromwell (1970)

The Libertine (2004)

Captain Blood (1935)

The Favourite (2018)

So now you should be able to get a vague sense of English history without leaving your chair.